


if the heavens ever did speak

by otterdust



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Gore, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drinking, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Sleepy Cuddles, Underage Drinking, Violence, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:35:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28539702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otterdust/pseuds/otterdust
Summary: In which Keith comforts Lance during his nightmares, and Lance helps Keith through his anxiety, and they slowly fall in love.---In the midst of a bloody war, the team is falling apart. Keith's anxiety is taking control and he can't stop picturing the pools of blood and guts he creates every time he kills a Galran soldier. Lance is kept awake at night, plagued by terrible nightmares of death and destruction. They are child soldiers, and the fate of the universe rests on their heads. In their darkest hours, the red and blue paladins find comfort in one another.---t.w. graphic descriptions of war, mental illness, blood/gore. underage drinking. sexual themes.
Relationships: Background Allura/Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Klance - Relationship, they aren't even really dating its just mentioned
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	1. of late-night noises, not coffee, and punches

A loud yelp and subsequent bang caused Keith to leap out of bed and onto his feet. He instinctively reached under his pillow and haphazardly grabbed around until he found his blade. He always kept it close by, just in case he needed to protect himself.  _ What the fuck was that? _ His heart pounded as he took a defensive stance. His grip tightened on his blade as he surveyed the room. It was empty.  _ The noise must’ve come from the hallway.  _

With that thought, he inched his way towards the door, his blade pointed out in front of him for protection. He reached the door and leaned his face against it, allowing himself a moment to savor the cool feeling of metal against his flushed cheek. He held his breath and listened for noise, but was greeted with silence. He cautiously cracked the door open, leaving just enough space for him to peer through the crack with one eye. He scanned his eye across the dark hallway, but to his surprise, he found it empty and silent.  _ I guess I just imagined it. Maybe I am going crazy.  _ Keith sighed, willing his heart beat and ragged breathing to return to normal. 

Keith was always on edge; it was a necessary provision of his situation. He was a soldier in the middle of a gigantic alien space war and relaxing was a deadly risk.  _ Pull yourself together Keith, it’s not like the Galra could’ve infiltrated the castle in the middle of the god damn night. You need to relax. _

The truth is, Keith was scared. Terrified, actually. Filled with so much fear that he could feel it in his bones. Not that Keith would tell anyone on his team that, of course. 

Keith had a job. He needed to be strong for his team. He needed to be solid, to be stable. Even though Shiro was their leader, and a damn good one at that, his PTSD from his time spent as an enslaved gladiator was becoming more debilitating every day. Shiro relied on Keith to be strong where he wasn’t able to, and Keith wouldn’t dare let him down. And then there was Pidge, still grieving over the loss of her brother and father. And Hunk, who Keith had recently discovered struggled with deep-rooted insecurities after mistakenly reading his journal that was left on the kitchen counter. And there was Allura and Coran, mourning the destruction of their entire species; their home, their entire world. He needed to be strong for them. There was no place for fear in Keith’s life. 

Lance was the only paladin of Voltron who seemed to be doing just fine. His jokes and flirtatious behavior were obnoxious as ever, and his laugh rang through the castle at least once every hour. Keith and Lance had a sort of unspoken agreement, the two of them.  _ Protect the others. _ Of course, they would never admit to this in a million years, and easily covered up their shared role by fighting. Constantly. 

Keith protected the others by being strong. He was an unwavering leader, always keeping himself together even when everyone else had long fallen apart. He was sturdy and unchanging, and the others found comfort in that.

Lance, however, protected his team in a much different way. Lance was cuddly; he was warm and sunny. He was who you went to for hugs and pep talks when you needed cheering up. He would give fist bumps to anyone who would let him and make the team laugh even during the most devastating of days. He was good at both listening to the concerns of his team and distracting them from their sorrows. Together, Keith and Lance worked to hold their team together.

But unlike Lance, Keith was utterly and undeniably terrified, no matter how good he was at putting on a brave face. 

Keith stumbled into the bathroom and splashed cold water onto his flushed face, trying to regulate his breathing.  _ You just imagined the noise, or maybe it was the stupid mice. You are fine. You are not in danger. Calm. Down.  _

Keith dried off his face roughly with a towel and gripped the sides of the porcelain sink. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, forcing himself to take deep breaths.

He walked back into his room and flopped down on his bed, but the damage was already done. Keith’s brain was hyperactive and swarming with worries. There was no way he would be able to get enough silence to fall asleep. 

___________________

The next morning (well, morning determined by the artificial 24-hour day cycle implemented in the castle to keep them on a schedule), Keith stumbled out of bed where he had just spent the past four hours staring at the ceiling, willing his brain to quiet down and sleep to come his way.  _ Not-Coffee. I need not-coffee.  _

Not-coffee, as the team affectionately called it, was a drink that Hunk had concocted with some sort of alien substance which had the same effects of caffeine on humans. The drink was warm and tasted like a strange yet enjoyable hybrid of cinnamon, raisins, and peanuts. With a splash of Kaltenecker’s milk, Keith could almost pretend that he was drinking real coffee. 

With not-coffee on his mind and only not-coffee, Keith threw on his jacket and started down the hall towards the kitchen. 

However, Keith was slightly delirious after the all-nighter he just pulled, and unfortunately failed to look where he was going. That, combined with his focus solely on getting some caffeine in his system, and Keith wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings at all. 

In a series of unfortunate events, Keith rounded a corner a little too sharply and ran smack into Lance. The impact knocked them squarely to the floor and caused Lance to drop the cup of not-orange juice he was carrying, spilling the sticky juice down their shirts.

“Fuck!” whispered Keith, as he landed gracelessly on the metal floor, wiping not-orange juice out of his eyes. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” yelled Lance, staring at his ruined clothes. “You better watch where the fuck you’re going, mullet-head!”

“I didn’t see you,” Keith mumbled. He had not gotten enough sleep to start a fight. He just wanted to go back to bed.

However, Lance did not share this sentiment. 

“You have eyes. Use them!” Lance yelled, pulling himself off the floor. He paused for a moment, clearly thinking of another insult, and then said “On second thought, maybe you don’t have eyes. I mean, who would have hair like that if they could actually see straight!” 

“Fuck you Lance,” Keith mumbled as he stood up and unstuck his wet shirt from his chest. 

“Don’t talk to me like that! Just because you were the oh-so-special number one pilot at the Garrison doesn’t mean that you are any better than me!” 

“I never said-” But Keith’s thought abruptly ended with a solid fist hitting his face. 

Pain radiated from the point of impact on his jaw, and that was Keith's last straw. His anger boiled over and he lost all control. He lunged at Lance in a fit of delirious rage, fists flying. 

They fought dirty. Hair was pulled, skin was pinched. Keith bit a nasty chunk out of Lance’s arm, and had the wind kicked out of him in return. All human instincts had succumbed in favor of animalistic fury.

The boys tumbled around and brawled until Shiro pulled them apart, having arrived upon the fight after following the sounds of utter commotion. He scolded them for being childish and gave them disappointed looks. Both boys received an extensive lecture, and it made Keith’s heart swell with guilt.  _ I’m supposed to be helping calm Shiro down, not upset him. _

Shiro ordered Keith and Lance back to their rooms to cool off. 

Lance quickly turned on his heel and walked away, seething and muttering some assumedly not nice things in Spanish. Keith watched Lance walk to his room and was surprised to notice that something seemed wrong. Lance was stumbling a bit.  _ Shit, maybe I actually really hurt him. So much for being there for the team. You’re such a failure.  _

“Keith,” Shiro said sternly, giving him an eye. “What was that?”

“It’s nothing Shiro, I promise. It’s just an off morning. We’re fine. Don’t worry about it okay?” Keith said, not wanting to worry his leader anymore. 

“Okay. Go take a break,” said Shiro. Keith turned and stalked back to his room, irritable from the fight and lack of sleep.  _ I’m failing. _

___________________

After releasing the last of his frustrations from this morning by killing drones in the fight simulator, Keith was feeling much better. Dinner went by uneventfully, if not for the eerie quietness that permeated the dinner table due to Lance’s absence. Lance was really the only one who started conversations nowadays, and his nonattendance was felt deeply. 

The team now gathered in the main area for updates on the war. The “living room” had three white leather couches laid out in a semicircle which faced the wall. A metal coffee table laid in the center, which at the moment was covered with a smattering of metal scraps and circuit boards from Pidge’s newest engineering endeavor. On the wall opposite the semicircle sat a large screen, which was currently projecting statistics from their latest battles. 

Keith was the last one to arrive, as had taken a quick shower after dinner. The team occupied the same spots as always. Assigned places were never given, but the comfort of routine caused them to sit in the same seats every day. Allura was at the front of the room, whispering nervously to Coran. Shiro occupied the left side of the center couch. Hunk and Pidge were sitting comfortably together on the left couch and Lance had sprawled himself across the entirety of the right. Keith sat down in his usual spot by Shiro and tucked himself into the corner. 

With only a quick glance up at the screen, Keith could tell the war wasn’t going in their favor. It was clear that Voltron’s recent losses greatly outnumbered their wins, and a knot began to form in Keith’s throat.

Allura was talking solemnly about their situation, but Keith had stopped listening. The words “Galra”, “attack”, “losing”, and “death” hit him like a train, and he found it difficult to pay attention. The knot in his throat grew and sank deep into his stomach. The all-too-familiar signs of panic began to flood his bloodstream and envelop him fully. His heart began to pace and his breathing sped up as though he had just run a marathon.  _ Stop being so selfish. Calm down Keith, you need to be strong for the others. You know this. It’s not like you are in any danger, you are safe in the castle.  _

But, that last thought triggered a slew of new, more terrifying thoughts.  _ If you get so worked up over thinking about the Galra, how are you going to actually face them? You are not a fucking baby, pull it together! The team and the universe needs you.  _

Keith shivered, his train of thought beginning to spiral down a depressing path.  _ God, the universe. Everyone is counting on me. Trillions upon trillions of species, of planets, of lives. I am their only chance. If I fuck this up because I can’t man up, I will be responsible for the downfall of all of existence.  _ The weight of that resolve engulfed Keith like a black shroud being thrown over a corpse. 

A cough from Lance pulled Keith out of his head and back to reality.  _ Right. My team. I need to be there for them. How are they handling the news?  _ Keith peered around the room. Pidge wore a look of deep frustration and was inching closer towards Hunk’s side. Hunk’s expression was neutral, but the arm he had tucked around Pidge’s tiny shoulders was trembling slightly. Shiro’s eyes were glazed over; he looked absent.  _ He must be trying to distance himself from the pain. I don’t blame him.  _ Keith wished he could do the same, but he knew he couldn’t for the sake of the team. Allura and Coran looked like they had just discovered a rotting, stinking corpse; their brows were knitted and eyes were red. 

Lance’s optimistic expression, however, juxtaposed the morose scene. 

“Come on guys! We got this!” Lance exclaimed, sitting up. “Every failure is an opportunity to learn. Just because we’ve lost some battles doesn’t mean we’ve lost the war. And I couldn’t imagine a better team suited to save the universe. Except Keith, but we already knew that.” Both Shiro and Keith shot him dirty looks at his last comment. “We’re in this together.”

“Yeah I guess so,” Hunk murmured. 

“Thanks, Lance,” said Pidge. 

It appeared that Lance’s words had slightly lifted the black cloud which was hanging thickly over the team, but not even Lance could fix everything. This time, they were too far gone. No amount of encouragement, even superhuman, could disperse the black cloud entirely. 

“You are dismissed. Get some rest tonight, we are going to focus on hand-to-hand combat training tomorrow,” Allura said, her voice heavy with exhaustion. For the first time, her voice reflected her age, as if the ten-thousand years had finally caught up with her. 

Keith beelined straight for his room. Once inside, he immediately shucked off his shoes, jacket, and pants. With a flip of the lightswitch, he flopped down on his bed and tucked his blade under his pillow for safe-keeping. Fortunately, Keith found sleep within minutes.


	2. of failed training sessions and red sweatshirts

Another crash and soft whimper woke Keith.  _ What the fuck? Again? _ Panic pulsed through his veins, and he threw his sheets off. Keith leapt out of bed with his hand gripped tightly around his blade. An overwhelming sense of deja vu settled over Keith. Shaking it off, he crept toward the bedroom door. The silence of his room was punctuated by Keith’s ragged breathing. He cracked the door open and peered out into the hallway. It was empty.  _ Seriously? This is the second night that I’ve imagined things. _

He was just about to turn around and tuck himself back into bed when another soft cry piqued his interest.  _ Okay, I know I didn’t imagine that.  _ He gripped his blade with such force his knuckles turned white. With a shaky breath, he stepped into the hallway. Another whimper sounded through the hallway, and the hair on the back of Keith’s neck stood up. He ventured further into the hallway, following the direction of the noise.  _ Is that…? Coming from Lance’s room? _

The panic Keith felt momentarily ceased, but it quickly swelled up again with the thought that someone could be attacking Lance. The fear came back full force, and Keith sprinted down the hall to save his teammate. He whipped around the corner and kicked Lance’s door open, all with his blade pointed out in front of him. 

“What the fuck?” shouted Lance, peeking his head up from his bed. “What are you doing here? What time is it? Is the castle under attack? You kicked open my fucking door!”

Keith quickly surveyed the room. It was empty. The only exception was a disgruntled Lance sitting in the corner of his bed. His body was mostly concealed by a large blue blanket which was pulled over his head and tucked around his shoulders. 

“Are you… are you okay?” Keith asked, anxiety still pulsing through his body even though it was obvious there weren’t any Galran soldiers in the bedroom. 

“What? Why wouldn’t I be?” asked Lance. He scooted out of the corner of his bed and stood up, his blue blanket trailing behind him like a cape. 

“I… heard noises. I thought… I thought you were being attacked or something,” stuttered Keith, now feeling quite embarrassed at the scene he just made. Of course, Keith was relieved that Lance was safe, but shame rose hot on his face anyway. The concoction of so many different emotions made him feel uneasy.

“I’m fine,” said Lance, who was now standing directly in front of Keith. “Maybe you heard the mice?”

“Maybe…” Keith said doubtfully.  _ It sure didn’t sound like the mice _ . 

Keith glanced up at Lance. To his surprise, he noted that the other boy’s eyes and nose were red and swollen.  _ That’s odd. _ “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” Lance said stiffly. “Except that you just woke me up from my much-needed beauty rest.” He said that as though it was meant to be funny, but the delivery was off, and the joke fell flat. 

“Sorry, my bad. I’ll uh… just leave now,” said Keith. The boys stood there for a moment, staring awkwardly at one another. Keith could tell that something was wrong with Lance. He had never seen the usually upbeat and optimistic boy so… stiff. But Keith didn’t want to pry, and he wasn’t good at comforting people anyway. So, he turned to leave. 

As he was walking out of Lance’s room, he stopped and glanced back. Keith had never been in Lance’s room before. He noticed that the layout of Lance’s room was identical to his own. On the left, there was a small bed set into the metal wall, creating an alcove. Pressed up against the wall next to it was a metal desk with a matching chair. A high-tech Altean mirror stood by the door to the closet. On the far end of the room was the entrance to the bathroom. 

However, the similarities between their rooms began and ended with the layout and basic furniture. Keith’s room looked more or less the same as it did when he first boarded the castle. There was a tablet and some small trinkets from various missions on the desk, but that was about as far as personal items went. Lance’s room was a whole different story. The first thing Keith noticed was that he wasn’t standing on cold metal, but a plush blue carpet. The walls were lined with posters, paintings, and magazine cutouts of random beaches from various planets. Christmas lights were draped haphazardly across the top of the bed’s alcove, giving off a warm glow that juxtaposed the rest of the castle’s high-tech starkness. Taped up on the wall in front of the desk were small, crinkled photographs of a younger Lance, smiling with who Keith assumed was his family.  _ He must’ve had those in his pocket when we first left Earth. _ The desk was littered with plants and seashells and trinkets, leaving behind no empty space. Clothes were strewn haphazardly across the floor, and there was a pile of blankets and pillows by the bathroom door. From what he could see through the half-opened door, his sink was strewn with various bottles of skincare products and lotion. The room felt quite cozy and very much like Lance. 

At first, the very personal touches to Lance’s room made Keith smile a little, but the feeling soon morphed into something uglier. He was bitter about his own room’s lack of warmth and personality and felt slightly jealous of Lance. Keith was an orphan on Earth after all, and he had never really developed any passions or hobbies. He was too busy making sure he had enough food to eat and a decent place to sleep. Keith did have his mom now, but they had only just met and in the middle of a brutal war. There weren’t very many touchy-feely bonding moments between the two of them, and Keith was still secretly bitter about her abandonment. 

Keith was brought back to reality as Lance coughed and asked, “You gonna leave? Or just stand there all night?”  _ Fuck, I must’ve been staring for too long.  _

“Uh yeah sorry. G’night Lance,” Keith replied. Lance gave him a curt nod, then pulled his blanket tightly around himself and curled into bed. Keith sighed and trudged back to his room. 

The panic, which had momentarily dissipated while he was with Lance, returned at full force as Keith stepped into his own room.  _ Fuck, this is ridiculous.  _ His hands started to shake, and he flung open the bathroom door. 

He stared at his flushed reflection in the mirror as he gripped the edges of the sink, hoping to steady his hands. His attempt to calm his shaking hands was fruitless, so Keith resorted to splashing water on his face in a sad attempt to calm his nerves. Even though there was clearly no threat, the panic wouldn’t dissipate. He was a hopeless slave to his anxiety. His tired legs gave out, and he landed unceremoniously on the damp bathroom floor.

“Fuck…” he muttered, willing his heart to stop pounding out of his chest. In a bout of frustration, he banged his head against the wall.  _ Damn it! You need to pull it together. What would you do if the Galra were to attack right now? Fuck.  _

“Fuck” was becoming an increasingly popular word in Keith’s dictionary, and it just so happened to be the last thing he said before he fell asleep on cold hard tiles of the bathroom floor, too weary and anxious to tuck himself into bed.

___________________

Keith woke to an incessant pounding on his door, which split straight through his head. 

“Keith, get up. We start training in an hour,” called Shiro from behind his bedroom door. 

“Fuck, okay, just stop knocking,” groaned Keith. He heard the bedroom door swing open. 

“Keith?” 

“In here.”

“What… what are you doing on the bathroom floor?”

“I uh… slipped?” Keith shrugged, hoping it was convincing enough. Now was not the time to divulge his deepest fears and anxieties.

“Okay… well, hurry up and get some breakfast. Allura doesn’t want anyone to be late for training.”

“Got it,” said Keith, flashing Shiro what he hoped was a smile but appeared more of a grimace. Shiro was many things, but he was not stupid. He picked up on Keith’s discomfort immediately.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” he asked, concern lacing his voice.

“I’m fine Shiro. Promise,” said Keith, this time doing a much better job at masking his emotions. _ Fuck, I’m doing it again. I can’t keep worrying Shiro, it’s not good for the team. I feel so guilty; he already has enough to worry about as it is. _

“Okay. You know I’m here if you need anything, right?”

“Yeah… thanks Shiro.”  _ It’s supposed to be the other way around. I’m supposed to be there for Shiro. I’m such a failure. _

Shiro turned and left. Keith pulled himself off the floor and sped through a half-assed morning routine. He was in a foul mood, and his body was sore and kinked from sleeping on such a hard surface.  _ At least it’s combat training today—my favorite. _

Training happened to be one of Keith’s favorite escapes. When fighting or exercising, all of his worries were upstaged by the burn of his lungs and the pain in his muscles. Emotional pain was nauseating, but physical pain was almost intoxicating. Recently, Keith had found himself hitting the training deck more and more as his anxieties spiked. 

Keith chugged down a cup of not-coffee and booked it to the training deck. He did not want to be late and be forced to face Allura’s wrath and Shiro’s disappointed dad looks. Keith threw on a black shirt and some stretchy sweatpants, tied his hair back, and sped to the training deck. 

Training days always went the same, even though no one had explicitly implemented a routine. First, everyone would warm up individually for about fifteen minutes, and then they would pair off and spar. There were five of them, so they would take turns sitting out and observing. Each team member always slipped into their same roles without being told, even though roles had never been assigned. For example, Allura would observe. She watched the paladins fight and critiqued their form or gave out suggestions. She also made sure everyone was focused and staying on task. Shiro also critiqued them, but he had a more hands-on approach. He often gave demonstrations and wasn’t afraid to manhandle them into the right position. Coran was in charge of refreshments. Lance would help keep the mood light by making jokes. The team’s predictability was sort of comforting in a way; in the middle of a giant alien space war, everything was unknown. Thus, Keith found solace in the routine and order that was training days.

Keith was the last to the training deck. When he arrived, everyone had already started to stretch out and warm up. Hunk, Pidge, and Lance had decided to try out couples yoga poses, but with three people. From the looks of it, they were all having fun despite the actual yoga being a total disaster. The sounds of their giggles and shrieks warmed Keith’s heart. The team had had a rough past few days, and it made Keith happy that they were happy, even though he would never show it.

Shiro was stretching in the corner while talking to Allura. He had a fond smile on his face, but Keith couldn’t quite tell if it was directed at the pretty alien girl next to him or his team members’ hilarious attempt at a human pyramid. Keith had recently noticed that Shiro was seeking out Allura a lot more than he used to, and he would often come back from talking to her with a light blush across his cheeks. Keith thought that romance and love in the middle of a war was pretty pointless and distracting, but he was honestly a little thankful for Shiro’s crush. Shiro had been through more trauma in the past few years than most experience in a lifetime, and his PTSD was severe even on the good days. On top of that, Keith could tell that his disastrous breakup with Adam still weighed heavily on his heart. Shiro’s fondness for Allura took his mind off of his trauma for a moment and made him smile. That was more Keith could hope for. Keith wasn’t quite sure if Allura felt the same way towards Shiro, but he just hoped that everything would work out in a way that would make both of them happy. 

Shiro clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. 

“Alright, we’ll start with some sparring. Hunk, you pair up with Lance. Pidge, you’re with Keith. I’ll sit out for the first round and then we’ll rotate.” 

Hunk and Lance high-fived and moved to the left side of the room. Pidge joined him on the right. 

“You ready?” Keith asked. 

“I was born ready. I may be small but I’m gonna take you down!” Pidge said with a devilish smirk. Her confidence made Keith soften a little. 

Pidge did not, in fact, take Keith down. Keith was just too strong, even against Pidge’s agility and cleverness. However, she did give him a good run for his money. After their fight, Keith gave her a fist bump and a half-smile that he hoped said, “you did good today, I’m proud.” He didn’t really know how to openly show praise, that was more of Lance’s job, but he still made an effort for his team.

Pidge nodded and gave him a half-smile back, understanding the message. 

“Nice work. Pidge, you sit this one out. Hunk, you’re with me. Keith, you’re with Lance,” called Shiro. He narrowed his eyes at Keith and Lance. “And remember to play nice. This is about training, not winning.” Shiro was clearly talking directly to Keith and Lance. They always tended to get a little too competitive while sparring, which didn’t always end well.

Lance made his way to Keith’s side of the room. 

“Ready?” asked Lance. Something in his voice made Keith pause and look up at Lance. He was surprised to see that Lance looked like he had caught the space flu. He had huge dark circles under his reddened eyes, and his nose appeared to be rubbed raw. But, before Keith could ask if Lance was okay, a fist was already flying towards his stomach.

Keith deflected the punch easily, as well as the next six attempts to take him down. This was definitely unusual because while Keith was definitely more skilled at combat than Lance, Keith usually had put in a lot more effort than this to get the upper hand. Lance’s movements seemed slower and less powerful today, and his trademark competitive spark was gone. 

On Lance’s next attempted punch, Keith caught Lance’s wrist and twisted it. Lance was clearly not expecting it and thus wasn’t in a sturdy position. His body turned with his wrist and uprooted him off the floor. Unfortunately for Keith, he hadn’t expected Lance to lose his balance, and he failed to let go of the grip on Lance’s wrist. In this series of unfortunate events, Lance toppled to the floor with a soft thud, shortly followed by Keith, who happened to land squarely on Lance’s chest.

“Are you okay? I didn’t mean to knock you over,” said Keith. His face began to flush as he registered their rather compromising position. 

“Fine,” huffed Lance.

“Are you sure? I mean, you’re moving a lot slower today, are you sick?” 

“Very funny. You can gloat all you want for winning but you don’t have to fucking insult me.”

“What? I’m not insulting you? I’m worried about you.”

“Oh please,” Lance said with a strained laugh. “When have you ever cared about anyone but yourself? Mr. Hot-Shot, always going off by himself to be the best. You don’t need us, let alone care about us.” 

Keith was about to respond when Lance pushed Keith off with more vigor than he had shown during their entire match. He stood up and stormed out of the training deck. Keith laid his head back down on the ground and sighed in defeat.  _ But I do care. I care so fucking much. I worry about everyone on our team so goddamn much that it’s eating me alive _ . 

___________________

Training had been cut short due to Lance’s sudden exit, and Keith was honestly a little bit relieved. The last few days had been both physically and emotionally exhausting, not to mention the horrendous lack of sleep he had gotten. Keith was basically dead on his feet. After assuring Shiro that everything was okay and Lance was just in a bad mood, he padded off towards the kitchen to grab a quick lunch and then to his bathroom to take a shower. 

Once alone, he stripped off his sweaty clothes and turned up the water as hot as it would go. The room filled with steam, and Keith sighed. He stepped under the water, wincing as the heat hit his back. The temperature was almost unbearable, but Keith didn’t move to adjust it. He liked the distraction the pain gave him from his thoughts. 

However, this discretion didn’t last long. Despite the boiling water pounding on his back, thoughts began to slip through the cracks into Keith’s consciousness.  _ Why doesn’t Lance think I care? Is that what everyone else thinks? I know I’m not the most emotionally vulnerable person, but I don’t want them thinking I hate them. I… I love them. I would die for them. They are the only family I’ve ever had. Do they all think I’m just a selfish asshole? Do they hate me? I want to show them I care, I just… I don’t know how. Who am I fucking kidding, they have every reason to hate me. Lance was right, you know. You are selfish. You go off by yourself and endanger the team. Hell, you’ve fucked up and upset Shiro twice this week. You aren’t even good at protecting them. They’d probably be better off without you. It’s not like you’d be missed.  _

The familiar thrums of anxiety permeated his body. Keith decided that if a shower couldn’t stop his brain from working, then maybe a nap could. He shut off the water and carelessly toweled off, leaving his skin more damp than dry. He pulled on some plain black boxers and dug through his drawers for the oversize sweatshirt he had bought at the space mall. It was dull red in color and had a little graphic lion on the front, accompanied by a few words of some indecipherable alien language. The sweatshirt was much too large for his body; the hem grazed just above his knees, and the neckline fell over his left shoulder. But, it was very soft, and he had bought it to please Shiro, who had told him that he had to relax for once and instructed him to buy something for himself. It had since become a comfort item of sorts, and Keith was very much in need of some comfort right now. 

He slipped the sweatshirt over his head, paused a moment to enjoy the softness of it, and then collapsed in his bed. He tucked the thin sheet around his body and closed his eyes.  _ Maybe I should get a fluffy blanket like Lance has the next time we are at the space mall. _ Keith flushed, remembering the embarrassing scene he made in Lance’s room last night. He pulled the sheets tighter around himself and willed his brain to shut off, giving him some peace and quiet for once. 


	3. of nightmares, giggles, and smurfs

_You've got to be fucking kidding me. Again?!_ Keith was just about to try to fall asleep again when he heard another soft cry. He grumbled and sat up, reaching for his tablet. _1:13 A.M. I slept through dinner._ The all-too-familiar panic set in, prompting anger as he followed the noises to Lance's room.

"Lance," Keith said, banging his fist on the door. "Open up!" He heard some shuffling and the door swung open.

"What do you-" Lance started to say, but was interrupted as Keith pushed past Lance and into the room, slamming the door shut. "Keith!?"

"I want answers! This is the third night in a row that I've heard noises and I know they are coming from your room! What the fuck are you doing in here at 1 AM every night to wake me up from all the way down the hall!"

"I... I don't know what you're talking about," Lance said quietly, looking at the floor. Keith noticed the puffiness of Lance's eyes and the sheen of sweat on his neck which was peeking out from under his blanket. _Shit, something really is wrong with him. I should probably take a softer approach._ Keith may have the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon, but he could sense that yelling wasn't going to fix this.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on. I'm losing sleep over it too," Keith said, quieter this time. He leaned up against the door, blocking Lance's only escape route.

"Can we just talk about this tomorrow? It's late. Or, uh, early?"

"No. Now. It's not like neither of us are sleeping."

"Keith..."

"Lance. Look, I know we don't always get along. But we're a team, remember? You can trust me."

Lance sighed and walked back to his bed, taking a seat. Keith followed, sitting down on the opposite side of the bed from Lance.

"I've been..." started Lance. He paused for a moment, then looked up at Keith nervously. Keith gave him a subtle nod, urging him to continue. "I've been having nightmares. And I talk in my sleep so I guess when I have nightmares I yell. And one night I fell out of bed which made a pretty loud noise. So yeah..."

"Oh..." said Keith, eloquently _. I'm not good at comforting people. Fuck. What the fuck do I say? I need to say something I can't just sit here like a fucking idiot._

"Uh sorry... I shouldn't have said anything," Lance said, assuming Keith's silence meant that he was uncomfortable.

"No, no, Lance you're fine. I'm just... not good at this. The whole people thing, you know?" Keith said quickly, not wanting to upset Lance further. _You can't even comfort a team mate._

"Yeah I know," said Lance, smirking, clearly enjoying Keith's obvious discomfort with the whole situation. There was a pause.

"And I'm... sorry. About the nightmares. If there's anything I can do, just... let me know?" Keith said. "I mean I don't really know how much I can help like I said I don't really know how to do this but if you wanna... talk about it?"

"Yeah, uh, thanks man," said Lance as he awkwardly ran his hand through his hair.

"And uh... I guess while I'm talking and all that..." Keith said without thinking. "I really didn't mean to offend you earlier during training. I was actually worried about you."

Lance sucked in a breath and then tightly said "You don't need to worry about me. I'm all good!". The smile on Lance's face was clearly fake but Keith didn't push. "If you don't mind I'm gonna get some sleep now."

"Oh, yeah, of course," said Keith hurriedly. He stood up and walked to the door. He turned back awkwardly. "Night Lance."

"M'kay. Night" replied Lance, who had already laid down and wrapped the blankets around himself.

Keith softly shut the door and started walking back to his room. A million thoughts were running through his head. _Well I'm glad no one was getting attacked. Maybe that will help me stop panicking so much. I do feel bad for Lance though. I hate when I have nightmares. I'm kinda shocked though. Lance always seems so happy. He's the one out of all of us that's supposed to have it together. And if he doesn't... Well I don't know where that leaves the team. I guess maybe we are all just war-torn children... traumatized soldiers._ The thought sent a shutter down his spine. Keith forced himself to focus on something else. _That whole interaction was so fucking embarrassing. How does Lance comfort people so easily? Actually, how does he talk to people in general so easily? I was so awkward and unhelpful. Fuck. Well this night has pretty much gone to shit. But I guess it's not worse than the last two nights. I should try to get some sleep._ Keith laughed at himself. _Yeah, fucking right._

However, Keith decided that he needed rest even if he wasn't going to be able to sleep, so he stripped and flopped into bed.

___________________

When Keith awoke to Lance's cries the next night, he wasn't quite sure what to do. Now that he was aware of Lance's nightmares, he wondered if he should help? He didn't even know what he would do to help. Keith barely knew how to express emotion at all. How was he supposed to comfort someone else? That was supposed to be Lance's job. Keith didn't even know if Lance would want him there anyways. If it was Keith having the nightmares, he would be very embarrassed.

Despite his worries, Keith's heart panged at the thought of Lance's distress. Keith needed to step up for Lance. Just because he wasn't good at emotions didn't mean that Lance should have to suffer all alone. They were supposed to be a team, a family. And Keith was supposed to take care of them.

Keith carefully walked down the hall to Lance's room and gave the door a knock.

"Lance? Can I come in?" Keith called out, softly. He paused a moment.

"I guess," a soft, scared voice called back.

Keith quietly opened the door and sat himself on the bed next to Lance. It was surprisingly comfortable and smelled like Lance's shampoo. Lance sat up from his curled position and wiped his face quickly. Keith could see that it was wet with tears. Lance was shaking slightly.

Keith started to panic a little. Why had he even come here? He had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do.

"Uh.. are you okay?" Keith cautiously asked.

"No," responded Lance. He sniffed and buried his face in his hands. _Oh. Well that's not what I was expecting. Okay then. What now?_

"Um... can I help? Do you wanna talk about it?" asked Keith

"Can you just... stay here for a bit? Distract me," whispered Lance.

"Yeah okay. What do you wanna talk about?"

"I don't know. Anything"

Keith scanned his brain for something to talk about. _This is so awkward. Quick think of something. The longer you wait to say something the weirder this is gonna get._

"Uh... did you know Shiro has a crush on Allura?" Keith said, without thinking. _Ah fuck, Shiro is gonna kill me. Oh shit, wait, doesn't Lance have a crush on Allura too? Fuck Keith, now you're just gonna make him more upset. Way to fuck it up._

Instead of squawking in indignation or looking upset, Lance's face broke out with huge smile. _Wait... he's not upset?_

"Are you serious dude?!" Lance said, laughing.

"Uh, yeah. I didn't mean to say that, I panicked, Shiro's gonna fucking murder me," Keith said, cracking a smile.

"No, no, this is great! Fantastic, actually! Allura likes Shiro too!" Lance said.

"Wait.. what? How would you know that?"

"Yeah! What do you think Allura and I do when we have our girl's nights? We talk about boys, duh!"

"Wait, you have girl's nights with Allura? That's not the point, Allura likes Shiro?" said Keith with disbelief. _They talk about boys? That means... Why would Lance talk about boys?_ "Hold up, you're not mad? I thought you had a crush on Allura."

Lance laughed. "Dude she's totally out of my league. Like, light-years out of my league. I just flirt with her to tease her."

"Oh, okay good."  
"Dude you should've seen your face! You were so scared I was gonna be mad!"

"Was not!"

"Awww, Keithy cares about meeee," Lance teased, sticking his tongue out.  
"Shut up, Lance," Keith said without any hint of malice in his voice. He threw a pillow at Lance to make his point. The pillow hit Lance squarely in the face.

"Oh, it's on mullet!" yelled Lance. He picked up the pillow that had fallen into his lap and swung it at Keith. Keith yelped and jumped out of the way, grabbing another pillow to use as a shield. Lance lunged on Keith and they wrestled for a moment. Keith flipped them over, attempting to pin Lance's legs down. Lance grabbed his blue blanket and wrapped it around Keith, effectively swaddling him like a baby.

"I give up, I give up!" giggled Keith. He tried to lift his arms in surrender, but the blanket wouldn't let him.

"Are you sure I'm not dead and in heaven? You just fucking _giggled._ Keith! Giggling! Not to mention the fact that you look like a fucking blue burrito. Smurf-Keith!"

Keith genuinely smiled. _I did it. I made him laugh. I didn't fail this time._ A wave of relief washed over him.

"Yeah, yeah, take a picture so it lasts longer. Not like anyone will believe you that this happened anyways," Keith smirked.

"You little bastard," Lance sputtered. He looked at Keith and gave him a blinding smile. The smile caused a weird warmth to bloom in Keith's stomach. _This is nice._ Keith would have been more embarrassed, more awkward, but he was drunk on sleepiness and the smell of Lance's shampoo. The room got quiet and the boys looked at each other, simply enjoying each other's company. Keith reveled in the comfortable silence and allowed himself to finally, finally, relax. It was the first time in a very long time that Keith's nerves weren't thrumming with anxiety. He felt... safe.

"Thanks, Keith," said Lance softly.

"For what?"

"For cheering me up."

"We're a team, remember?"

"Yeah," Lance said, a smirk growing on his face. "So maybe you're not a total asshole."

Keith sputtered. "Hey!"  
"You're still mostly an asshole though."  
"Fair enough."

They both fell back on the bed and laughed until their abs ached. A comfortable silence enveloped them. With all the battles and training going on, Keith and Lance hadn't really gotten much time to just enjoy each other's company. Keith came to the realization that he didn't even really know Lance at all. They had been too caught up in the war to get much past pleasantries. Not to mention their fighting. The war had a tendency to send the boys' irritability and anger levels through the roof. Fighting each other was merely a poorly concealed way of releasing some of that stress. It was a distraction from their awful reality. But now with the ache in his stomach from laughing and the warmth pooling in his belly, Keith was beginning to think that maybe, god forbid, handing out with Lance was a better way to feel some semblance of happiness.

"I think I'm gonna try to get back to sleep now," Lance said softly, looking at Keith. Keith nodded.

"That sounds like a good plan, sharpshooter."

They gave each other soft smiles and Keith stood up.

"Night Lance," Keith said as he opened the door.

"G'night mullet."

Keith eased the door shut and made his way back to his room. He laid down on his bed and fell asleep with ease. 


	4. of bubblegum planets and brain matter

Keith had been rudely awoken the next morning by the blaring sound of the alarm. _Fuck fuck FUCK_. Anxiety flowed through his body and it was all Keith could do to not have a panic attack then and there. He threw on his armor, grabbed his bayard, and ran to the bridge. He was the last one there.

"Alright Voltron, we have a distress signal from the planet Evarosa. Reports indicate that there is a medium sized Galra fleet attempting to infiltrate their palace. Should be a pretty cut and dry mission. Let's go," said Allura.

Keith hopped in Red, giving her a quick greeting. She could sense his anxiety and tried to send calming energy to her paladin. He sat in the pilot's seat and Red whirred to life. Allura opened up a wormhole and Keith closed his eyes as he sailed through it.

When he opened them, he was staring at a rather small planet. While it surprised Keith that the Galra would be interested in such a meager planet, it was the appearance of Evarosa that intrigued Keith the most. The planet was a startling bubblegum pink. From where he was, he couldn't quite tell what exactly the planet was covered in, whether it was rocks or crystals or grass, but it was most definitely very pink.

In stark juxtaposition to the bubblegum planet were the sleek, silver Galran ships surrounding the planet and landing around Evarosa's palace. The planet was dwarfed by the massive Galran fleet. Keith's heart began to race again. _Damn._

"Okay team. Keith, since you're the best at hand-to-hand combat, you'll accompany Pidge down on the ground and take out the Galra already infiltrating the palace. Pidge, your job is to see what technology the Evarosian people have available and try to see what you can do with it. Lance and Hunk, you'll provide air support. Take out as many incoming ships as possible. I'm going to speak with the Evarosian king and aid evacuating their citizens. Good luck out there," said Shiro.

A few _alright_ 's and _we got this!_ 's later and Keith took off towards the palace. Hunk cleared a path for him to land and Red settled down onto the pink ground. _Sand. Interesting._ He leapt out of Red and dashed towards the palace, Pidge following in his wake.

The entrance was heavily guarded by soldiers and sentries with guns. Keith sighed. There was no way he could get close enough to use his sword without getting shot first. Groaning, he pulled out the small handgun he kept in a holster by his ankle for situations like these. Keith wasn't a very good shot, but it was going to have to do. He pulled Pidge and himself behind a shipping container (probably holding illegal substances Keith didn't even want to know about) and started shooting at the soldiers. Pidge used her grappling hook to knock the sentries off their feet. Keith flinched as his bullets sprayed Galran brains across the palace walls and soaked the pink sand with blood.

When the coast was clear, he and Pidge made their stealthy entrance. Once inside the palace, they decided to split up so Pidge could search for useful tech. She would know better what to look for than him.

Keith was on his own now. _I should try to find whoever is in charge of ground operations. Take the invasion down from the top._ He darted down the shimmery pink halls of the alien palace. Every once in a while a few sentries would find him, but he would easily take them down. The palace was eerily quiet for being under attack.

Keith was beginning to wonder if this whole thing was a trap when suddenly a loud whirring sound echoed through the corridors. It sounded as though someone had turned on an old AC unit that grumbled and sputtered as it came to life. Keith got a sinking feeling in his chest. There's no way that could mean anything but trouble. _Fuck! Okay, you can do this. Not like the defeat of the entire ground operation rests on your head or anything. Don't mess up._

Keith followed the disturbing noises to a large, regal looking door. Anxiety pulsed through his body. Keith forced himself to suppress every survival instinct in his body, begging him to run, run far away from here.

"Alright," he whispered to himself. "Three... two..." He steadied himself. "One!" He kicked the door open.

"Guards! Take care of our intruder," shouted a gravely Galran voice. Keith was surrounded in an instant by at least a dozen soldiers. "It appears to be the Red Paladin; Zarkon will want him alive."

Keith didn't even think, he just moved. His bayard transformed into his sword and he started swinging. He struck the first Galra soldier, who was rather short, in the throat. A sea of red poured out of the wound and down his body. Keith would've seen him choking and sputtering on his own blood as he fell, but a solid punch to the stomach tore his gaze away from the fallen soldier. He grabbed the fist as it pulled away and flipped it over, causing the soldier to fall to the ground. The Galran pleaded for his life as Keith stabbed him in the stomach, nailing him to the floor. At the same time, he pulled his handgun out and put bullets in the heads of the two closest Galra, leaving a spattering of disgusting brain matter across the shimmery pink walls. Keith whipped around and planted his sword into the chest of another soldier who was running toward him.

It continued like that for a while. Keith wasn't sure how long. It could have been seconds, it could have been hours. He wasn't thinking; he was moving on pure adrenaline and muscle memory. His boots squelched as he moved; the blood of the slain had made the floor slippery. The sounds of bullets being released rang in his ears but it was nothing compared to the squishy sound of metal plunging into flesh, scraping bones, and organs spilling on the floor.

Keith was reminded of the unfortunate alien anatomy lesson he had learned during his time in space; one that he would have been perfectly fine living without ever knowing. After using his sword against his enemies for the first time, he discovered that Galran's organs are packed in their bodies like overstuffed suitcases. The only thing holding their intestines and stomachs in their bodies were thin muscle and skin. When that outer layer was penetrated, their insides came gushing out of their bodies, much like how undoing the latch on an overstuffed suitcase causes it to fly open and fling clothes everywhere.

Eventually, the room grew empty and quiet (besides the weird whirring sound). Keith pulled off his blood-spattered helmet and let it fall to the ground. He let himself look around the room. It would have been beautiful, with tall pink arches and marble-esque floors, if it weren't smeared with guts and filled with the bleeding bodies of over a dozen Galra. The machine in the center of the room caught his eye. It looked like the large vacuums people on Earth used to suck the water out of flooded floors. There was a central grey box with clear pipes coming out of it every which way. The pipes were drilled into the floor, and it was sucking some pink substance out of the ground. _Yup. There's no way this can be good._

"Uh...Guys?" Keith said, turning on his com. He liked to keep it off when he was fighting in order not to distract himself (despite Shiro telling him that it was dangerous and he needed to be able to hear his teammates at least four times.)

"What's your status Keith?" came Shiro's strong voice.

"I think... There's something... I think the Galra are harvesting something from the planet. It might be quintessence, but I'm not totally sure," Keith said, his voice shakier than he thought it would have been.

"That does not sound good. Finish securing the palace and we'll have Pidge take a look at it after the Galra are gone."

"Yes sir."

Keith knew that he should continue securing the rest of the palace but his legs wouldn't move. Instead, he was fixed on the sight in front of him, the scene that he created. There were at least two dozen Galran soldiers lying dead on the ground. Each was in a varying state of destruction and decay. Some merely had bullets through their heads. The only indication that they weren't just taking a quick nap was the blood casually dripping down their faces and their splattered brains decorating the walls behind them like some fucked-up Jackson Pollack piece. Others had their throats slit. The blood that they choked and drowned on was pooling around them and pooling onto the pretty pink floor. Even more disturbing was the intestines springing out of the lacerations on a few of the soldiers' abdomens. Lying next to Keith's right foot on the floor was a dismembered arm that he vaguely remembered slicing off. The flesh was all mangled at the end and the bone was peaking through. Keith felt sick. _I did this. I'm no better than the Galra. I'm a murderer. I'm not even human anymore. No human could do this._

Footsteps echoed outside the door, drawing Keith out of his thoughts. He swallowed down the bile that was threatening to come up. Keith gripped his sword. The door swung opened and Keith charged at the intruder, murder in his eyes.

"Woah, woah, woah! Keith! It's just me!" called Lance, who had thrown his hands up in the air.

"Oh," said Keith sheepishly, lowering his sword. _Wait. Fuck. Lance can't see this. He can't see what I did._ Keith began to panic.

But it was too late. Lance had already seen.

"Holy fuck dude," Lance whispered in disbelief. _Lance always does long distance fighting. He never really has to see the gore that comes with killing, or confront the blood and the guts that results from close combat._

With little warning, Keith fell to the ground and heaved. The bile burned his throat on the way up and forced its way out of his stomach. He heaved again, his vomit mixing with the blood and guts already on the floor.

He felt hands pull his sweaty hair out of his face and rub his back as he expelled the contents of his stomach.

"Fuck," groaned Keith, as he finally caught his breath. He leaned back into the person that was supporting him from behind. _Oh right. Lance_. The back of his head landed on Lance's shoulder and he took a minute to breathe. "What are you doing here? I thought you were air support," asked Keith. His voice was garbled and rough from the stomach acid burning in his throat.

"We took out the bigger ships and then the little ones began retreating. Hunk could handle the rest so I came down here to see if you could use some help. Clearly you... took care of it," Lance said.

Keith could hear the disgust in Lance's voice as he referenced the bloody scene in front of them. Keith retched again. _Even Lance thinks you're fucking disgusting. Look what you've done._

"The others... They'll be here soon to check out the machine thing. I don't want them to see this. I don't want them to see... _what I did_ ," pleaded Keith.

Lance noted the hurt in Keith's voice but decided now was not the time to push it. "I'll help you move the bodies. There's not much we can do to clean up the blood and... other stuff. Not like we have Windex here or anything," Lance said, trying to make a joke. It fell flat. "Discarding the bodies will be better than nothing."

"Lance, you don't have to help. It's my mess. I did this. I did..." Keith choked a little. "... I did all of this."  
"Of course I'm gonna help you, stupid mullet. That's what friends are for," said Lance.

_Friends. Hmm._

The boys began to drag the torn up bodies out of the room in silence, leaving trails of blood behind.

___________________

Not long after Lance and Keith had finished dragging the bodies outside, the Galra had officially fled Evarosa. The rest of the team made their way to the bloody room with the machine to join the red and blue paladins, as well as three Evarosians. At the sight of the aliens, Keith fiddled with the translator that had been embedded in his ear.

"Nice work out there team. Everyone, this is King Urisees and two of his close confidants," said Shiro.

Keith gazed up at the Evarosians. They were tall, elegant, reptilian-like creatures that stood about half a foot above Shiro, the tallest of the team. Shimmery pink scales that were iridescent in the light covered their lean muscle. They had three very large, round eyes that looked exactly like opals, but notably lacked an iris or a pupil. A pair of antennas sprung out of the tops of their heads. Their hair was long and lustrous and just as pink as the rest of them. The only thing that wasn't pink was their clothing. Each of the three Evarosians was draped in a shimmering, flowing fabric of all different colors. It floated about their bodies as if it were sentient. Pink jewels and gold chains adorned their bodies. They were actually quite stunning creatures, and Keith would have been more intrigued if he hadn't just dragged numerous broken bodies outside to rot in the sun.

"Dude I think we just met Uniqua's family," whispered a giggling Lance, who had leaned in close to Keith's ear.

"Uniqua?" mouthed Keith back, not wanting to draw attention to their side conversation.

"Dude. Uniqua. The pink bitch from the Backyardigans?" said Lance.

Keith gave him a confused look.

"I can't believe you don't know what the Backyardigans are," squawked Lance. "When we get back to Earth, I'm making you binge the entire show with me."

_Lance still wants to see me when we get back to Earth? I kind of assumed everything would just go back to how it was before. Why would he still want to hang out with me?_

Instead of voicing his thoughts, Keith merely said "In your dreams, sharpshooter," and turned his attention back to the group.

"We are so thankful to you for saving us from the Galra. Please allow us to throw a celebration in your honor tonight," said the metallic voice of King Urisees.

"Of course, we would be honored. I will contact our Princess and make arrangements for us to stay the night," smiled Shiro, both charming and humble. He was always much better at this whole diplomacy thing than the rest of them. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid we have more pressing matters to deal with right now. The Red Paladin, Keith, discovered the machine that sits before you in this room. We believe it is a piece of Galran technology that is mining the quintessence from your planet. We will have to run some tests of course, but in your experience, is this a possibility?"

The King grew pale. "Evarosa is known for its high quantities of quintessence. In fact, the surplus of quintessence gives our planet its pink hue and shimmery quality. However, the quintessence is also what holds our planet together. If too much is mined from the planet, it will die."

_Ah, fucking fantastic._

"We will do everything in our power to shut off this machine and save your planet. Our green and yellow paladins happen to be skilled engineers, and will devote their time starting tomorrow morning to fixing this issue. We only ask for your support in the fight against the Galra in return," said Shiro, calmly.

"Wonderful. I would be happy to discuss the terms of an alliance with you tomorrow. But for now, let us thank our saviors with a celebration," said King Urisees. "Leevrok will show you to our guest suites," he said, pointing at the Evarosian on his right, "and Antiyon will bring you traditional Evarosian clothes," he said, pointing to the other Evarosian. "I will come fetch you myself when the celebration is beginning. Until then I suggest you relax. Thank you paladins."

The King gave a slight bow and exited the room.

"Right this way, heroes," said Leevrok. He had the same metallic voice as King Urisees.

The team followed him through the iridescent pink walls of the palace. It was quite majestic. He took them through a set of large double doors labeled 'Guest Wing'. Keith could thank Coran's fancy translator chip for allowing him to read the Evarosian script. Beyond the entrance was a long sprawling hallway with many doors.

"We are here. You may choose whichever room suits you the best. Antiyon will be by with your garments shortly before the celebration begins. Thank you, most noble heroes," said Leevrok. He bowed, and left through the double doors.

Hunk, Pidge, and Lance all squealed. They began racing down the hall, checking out every room to determine which was the best. Keith just picked the room closest to him. He swung open the door and went inside.

The room was quite large, with floor-to-ceiling windows on the far end which revealed a view of the magenta ocean. A huge canopy bed sat in the center of the room. The duvet was pink (of course) and there was a mountain of pillows piled on the bed. A door on the opposite side of the room revealed an adjacent bathroom with a huge jacuzzi, walk-in shower, and vanity. The floors were tiled with the same pink marble-esque material. It was cold on his feet. A fluffy towel and robe hung on a rack next to the shower.

Keith tore off his armor which was caked in blood and let it clang to the floor. He turned on the shower and then stripped out of the sweaty body suit he wore under his armor. Even though the blood wasn't on his skin, Keith still felt dirty.

He stepped under the hot stream of water and sighed. He allowed himself a few moments of peace before he started to scrub at his skin, hoping to wash the murders off. The alien-loofah was starting to scrape at his skin and turn it red, but Keith didn't stop. He was disgusted with himself. _Murderer._ He felt like Macbeth after murdering King Duncan, washing a spot of never-disappearing blood off his hands.

After his skin was raw and aching, Keith finally shut the water off and swaddled himself in the soft robe. The last bit of adrenaline from the battle wore off and Keith felt utterly weary. He carefully laid down on the bed, wincing when something rubbed against his skin with too much friction, and fell asleep. 


	5. of kings, not-vodka, and dancing

Keith awoke to a knocking on his door. _Fuck, how long did I sleep?_

"Red Paladin, it is Antiyon. I have brought some traditional Evarosian clothing for you to wear. The celebration will begin in approximately half an hour," called a voice from outside his door.

Keith opened the door. _Those eyes are kinda freaky._ "Thank you Antiyon," he said, taking the bundle from him.

He closed the door and tried to figure out how to put on the clothing. They were made out of the same shimmery, flowy material that the King had been wearing. The fabric was surprisingly silky to touch and was dyed a deep maroon color (he was the Red Paladin after all). The shirt was more of a loose crop top which was quite transparent and didn't do much to cover Keith's nipples. It had a long, cape-like piece of fabric attached to the back. Attached to the two the bottom corners of the shimmery cape were golden bracelets. Keith slipped them over his wrists which connected the flowy cape to his hands. When he raised his arms, it looked like he had iridescent wings. Next were the bottoms. Antiyon had given him more opaque, loose shorts that hung low on his body. The shorts were wrapped in a long, see-through piece of fabric similar to the cape. It created the appearance of a short skirt, which hugged his hips and showed off his v-line. Antiyon had also given him many golden strands of pink crystals that Keith wasn't quite sure what to do with. He ended up braiding his hair into a french braid and stranding some of the jewels through it. He also took one of the strands and wrapped it around his head like a circlet. With the remaining strands, he wrapped them around his neck and arms.

Keith didn't look at himself in the mirror, but he knew he probably looked rather ridiculous and feminine. He would have protested and just worn his armor, but he didn't want to ruin a possible alliance by offending the aliens over something as silly as clothing. Voltron needed all the help they could get right now, and if that meant dressing like an extra from Aladdin, then Keith was going to have to deal with it. Besides, his armor was still caked in blood and guts, and he thought wearing it to a party would be quite distasteful.

"Red Paladin?" called a familiar voice from outside his door. "It is I, King Urisees. I am here to escort you to the celebration. Your fellow paladins are already there."

"Oh great," said Keith. He opened the door.

King Urisees looked him up and down and said "My, my, Evarosian clothes suit you well, Red Hero." Then he had the audacity to give Keith a wink.

_What. The. Fuck. I did not save this planet to get hit on by their creepy old King. If there is any higher deity out there, please give me strength to not punch this man in the face right now._

"Come along," said the King as he pulled an arm around Keith and led him out the door. Keith did everything in his power to not flinch away from the touch. He was not gonna mess up this alliance. He owed that to Shiro, and the universe, at least.

The pair walked through the halls, the King's hand drifting suspiciously lower until it was barely grazing the top of Keith's ass. _Fuck fuck FUCK I hope we are close._

Thankfully for Keith, the sounds of music and chatter began to fill the air as they turned the corner and entered a large ballroom. The ceilings were impossibly high, with pink crystal arches. The floor was made of the same marble-esque material and there were huge chandeliers dripping with pink crystals. Long tables stretched across the left side of the room and the right remained open for dancing. There was a small raised platform at the front with a throne and a podium.

"Ah Keithy! You made it!" called a voice. Oh thank fuck. Lance. _My savior. I may be eighteen but this still feels highly illegal._

"Hey Lance," said Keith as he tried to pry himself out of the King's grasp in the most polite way possible.

"Pardon me, Red Hero, but I must attend to some matters. Save me a dance?" the King whispered into his ear. Keith shivered and tried to conceal his discomfort.

"Uh, of course your majesty," replied Keith, trying to keep the disgust out of his voice. The king walked away, leaving just Lance and Keith.

"Thank fuck you're here Lance. The King was about two seconds away from groping my ass," said Keith, shuddering in disgust. Lance just laughed at him.

"Aww mullet, you made a friend!"

"Shut it Lance, and help me figure out how to avoid dancing with him without fucking up the alliance."

"I bet he wants you to be his queen. Queen Keith!" giggled Lance. Keith couldn't help but crack a smile back. Lance's joy was infectious.

He looked up at Lance for the first time and gave him a once over. _Holy fuck. He looks good. Like an exotic stripper._ Lance was wearing basically the same outfit as Keith, except his was deep sapphire in color. While Keith looked bulky and awkward in his clothes because of his muscles, Lance's lean body made him look positively elegant. They had given Lance even more jewels; he was practically dripping in them.

"What, like what you see?" said Lance, teasingly.

"You're enjoying dressing like a stripper _way_ too much."

"So what?" Lance smirked. "Maybe I am." He put his hands on his hips and rotated them in a slow, teasing circle. "It's not very often I get to show off in space!"

"You're ridiculous," scoffed Keith, trying to hide the heat crawling up his face. "Do they have food here? I'm starving."

"Yup, and it's pretty good too. It tastes pink. They even have alcohol, you just gotta hide it from Shiro. I've already had four shots. It's all over by the tables. Now, I'm gonna go find a hot alien lady to dance with. Catch ya later mullet!" said Lance. Lance's comment about the 'hot alien lady' made an ugly pit appear in Keith's stomach, but he wasn't quite sure why. _Whatever. Maybe some not-vodka will make it go away._

During his search for food, Keith spotted the rest of his team. Each had on a similar costume, each in their respective color. Allura had landed the castle earlier and was with them as well. Her outfit was even more scandalous than what the rest of them were wearing. Instead of a crop top and flowy shorts, she was wearing what resembled a pink string bikini. She still had a flowy cape draped around her shoulders and connected to her wrists, but almost all of her smooth, dark skin was on display. Her hair had been pulled up in matching braided buns, and of course, she was covered in pink crystals. He waved at his team and then pointed at the food, signalling where he was going.

Keith approached a buffet table that was basically overflowing in food, most of which was pink. He grabbed what looked to be a very fancy, very expensive plate and made a mental note not to drop it as he filled his plate with food, avoiding the dishes that were still wiggling. He scarfed down his food pretty quickly and made his way to the beverage table. _Fuck yeah_. There were bottles and bottles of various space alcohols. Keith picked up what looked to be a pink vodka and poured himself a shot. He threw it down his throat, grinning at the familiar burn and the warmth growing in his stomach.

His eyes drifted over to the dance floor. Lance had found some alien just like he had said, but Keith wasn't quite sure if the alien was hot or even female. He had his hands on her (His? Its? Do Evarosians even have a gender?) hips and was pressed flush up against her. They were making tight circles with their hips and Lance's hands were tangled in her bubblegum hair. As Keith watched them dance, the same ugly, nauseous feeling pooled in his stomach. _Maybe it has something to do with the quintessence levels on this planet._ Keith sighed, and took another shot to distract himself. He could feel the alcohol coursing through his veins. He giggled a little. _Woah. This stuff is way stronger than Earth vodka. I already feel tipsy._ He turned back and looked at Lance on the dance floor, who was in a similarly compromising position but with a different alien this time. Keith took another shot. _It's fineee. I deserve it. They wouldn't have put out alcohol if they didn't want us to get drunk._ Keith ignored the thoughts that told him getting drunk wouldn't undo the murders he had committed only hours before.

The sound of a knife clinking against the side of a glass caused the room to fall silent. The music switched off. King Urisees cleared his throat and everyone turned to look at him. He was sitting on his throne on the stage.

"My beloved citizens, please give me a hand in thanking the Paladins of Voltron for defending our planet today," called the King. A long, fervent round of applause followed. Keith allowed himself to enjoy it for a minute. It had been a concerning amount of time since their last win. "Tonight, we celebrate their heroic deeds and a blossoming new friendship between our peoples. The paladins of Voltron have graciously accepted to allow us to host them for the next few days, so please, show them some of our Evarosian hospitality. We will begin to negotiate terms of an alliance tomorrow. But for now, everyone please enjoy yourselves."

The crowd applauded again. Keith wondered why the King didn't mention the planet-killing machine a few rooms over. _Maybe he's trying to avoid panic. This is why Shiro and Allura handle diplomacy, not me._

"But before we continue with our celebration, I would like to personally honor one of the Paladins who has shown immense prowess and dedication in battle," said the King. The pit returned to Keith's stomach. "May the Red Paladin please join me up on stage?"

Keith froze. _What? Me? Fuck, I don't wanna go up there. Why is he singling me out? It was a team effort. Maybe it's because he's interested in me? I mean I wouldn't be surprised based on how openly he's been flirting with me. Oh fuck, what if he's gonna proprose to me or something? Okay, okay, I need to do something. Everyone is just looking at me waiting for me to move._ Keith took a deep breath and stumbled towards the podium. His steps were uneven, but Keith didn't know if it was from the alien vodka or nervousness.

"Um, I'm very honored, King Urisees, sir, but it was a team effort in defeating the Galra today," Keith said, his voice slurring. _Fuck. I'm drunker than I thought._ Every single person in the room was looking at him. His hands began to shake.

"Nonsense!" shouted the King gleefully. "Now, come up here, Red Hero."

Keith nervously climbed up onto the stage and stood next to the King. He swung a scaly arm around Keith's shoulder and pulled him against his side, his hand groping Keith's ass. _I don't think I've ever been this uncomfortable in my life, holy fuck._

"After the battle, we discovered a pile of at least thirty Galran soldiers, all slain by the Red Paladin!" King Urisees said proudly. The crowd gasped and applauded. Keith did everything in his power to keep the bile that was threatening to climb up his throat down. _Was there really thirty? Why are they applauding my murders? It's like they are clapping for a serial killer. I thought Lance and I moved the bodies far away enough that they would be hidden until I could dispose of them tomorrow. I'm gonna throw up all over this stage if this doesn't end soon._ Keith's hands started shaking more. He took a shuddering breath in, trying to maintain his composure.

"No other creature has ever shown such brutality and passion in their protection of this planet. We are so very honored, Red Hero," said the King, giving Keith's ass another disgusting squeeze. The crowd erupted into applause once again. Keith looked down at his feet, trying to focus on something, anything besides the guilt and disgust he felt.

"Now, let us resume the celebrations!" called the King. The music blared on and chatter instantly resumed. Everyone turned their eyes away from him and he felt himself relax the slightest bit. King Urisees reached out a hand to him and started to say something to him when a voice interrupted them.

"Hey Keith! There you are. I've been looking all over for you!" said Lance as he climbed up onto the stage. _Lance, oh thank all divine spirits in the universe you are here. You saved me twice. I'm really gonna owe you after this_. Lance wrapped an arm protectively around Keith's waist. Lance's hand was warm and comforting on the bare skin of his back. Lance gave Keith a look and started pulling him off the stage. "Excuse me your Highness, but Keith promised me a dance and I've been looking forward to it all night."

Keith allowed himself to be led off the stage and into a quieter corner of the ballroom, Lance's arm still wrapped tightly around his waist.

"Are you okay?" asked Lance quietly, as to not draw attention to the two of them. His voice was dripping in genuine concern.

"I..." started Keith, his body visibility shaking. "I think I might be sick." Lance rubbed a soothing hand up Keith's back.

"Do you need some air?" questioned Lance.

"No... I'm fine. It's stupid. That's what we do, you know? Kill people. Didn't help that the King's hand was touching places it should not."

"Keith..."

"Everytime I close my eyes I see their mutilated bodies," Keith said, stumbling over his words. He wasn't sure why he was revealing so much to Lance, and right now of all times. It must have been the not-vodka. Or maybe because if Lance could tell Keith about his nightmares, then Keith could tell Lance about this. "I did that Lance. I ripped them apart. They have families, Lance," said Keith. His voice began to speed up and become more frantic. "Sorry kids, Daddy's not coming home. Didn't you hear? The Red Paladin cut him open and dragged his guts across the floor."

"Keith. It's okay," shushed Lance in a soothing voice. "How about we get you another drink to calm you down? Let's focus on getting you through the party tonight." he continued, rubbing a comforting thumb into the back of Keith's neck.

"Okay," whispered Keith back.

"And I wasn't lying about that dance. It'll be good, help distract you."

"I don't know how to dance."

"Well, you're in luck! I happen to be a great teacher."

Lance led Keith back to the drinks table, a hand still resting possessively on his bare back. It made Keith feel all warm inside. Lance poured them both a shot of pink not-vodka and they downed it quickly. Keith instantly felt a little better as the alcohol rushed to his brain.

"Another?" asked Lance.

"Hell yeah," replied Keith, already reaching for the bottle.

After three shots each, Lance led Keith to the dance floor. A fast paced, club-type song was playing.

"I'm too drunk for this," said Keith

"Nah, you can never be too drunk to dance. Plus, it's probably a good thing. It'll help you loosen up. How many shots did you have anyway?"

"Six or seven. And I think it's stronger than Earth vodka."

Lance just laughed at him. "Can I touch you?" he asked. _A gentleman even when drunk._

Keith nodded, heat blooming across his cheeks. _I'll blame it on the not-vodka._ He forgot that dancing involved lots of touching, especially the type of dancing Lance liked to do.

"Perfect," whispered Lance as he reached out and touched Keith's waist. He slid his hands down to Keith's body and grabbed his hips, yanking their bodies flush together. Keith was so close he could smell Lance's shampoo and feel his breath on his cheek. "Okay, now you're gonna grab my hips."

Keith gulped, but did as he was asked. He cautiously touched Lance's exposed hip bones and grabbed onto them. _Since when was Lance's skin so soft?_

"You're doing great," whispered Lance into Keith's ear. The sensation sent shudders down his spine. Their position would have been way too close and too intimate for sober Keith. But, Keith was drunk, and he was thoroughly enjoying the physical contact. It had been a long time since he had been pressed up against another warm body like this.

"Okay, now we are going to move our hips together, like this," said Lance. He tightened his grasp on Keith's hips and slowly moved them in a circular motion along with his own.

"Just like that," said Lance, his voice warm and low his ear. It sounded almost erotic. We shouldn't be doing this. _This is definitely blurring the lines of platonic friendship. We are teammates. But it feels so good..._

"Okay, roll your hips again, just like that. You're doing so good." Both boys were too drunk and too wrapped up in each other to notice the erotic connotations of Lance's words.

As Keith got a hang of the motion, they began to roll their hips against each other faster to the beat of the music.

"Wh-What do I do with my hands?" choked out Keith, his voice surprisingly strained.

"Whatever feels right," responded Lance with a raspy voice. "See?" Lance slowly dragged his hands off Keith's hips and up his waist. It sent shivers down Keith's spine. His hands snaked around his back and up to his hair. Lance began to run his hands through his braid, pulling pieces out of it and making it messy. It reminded Keith of what he had seen Lance do with the 'hot alien lady' earlier. That thought brought back the same nauseous feeling as earlier, but he pushed it away. He distracted himself by enjoying the sensation of Lance's nails digging into his scalp. Keith fought back a small moan.

"Fuck. We're so drunk," whispered Keith, leaning his head back into Lance's artful fingers.

"Don't care," responded Lance. He whipped his hips around faster, creating more friction between the two of them.

"Me neither," replied Keith, tugging Lance closer to him by his hips. Keith could feel that Lance was hard, which surprisingly didn't gross him out. On the contrary, the realization of Lance's hardness stirred a warmth in Keith's groin as well. _I don't even want to think about what that means right now. It's probably the not-vodka. Plus, any eighteen-year old would react like that in a situation like this, no matter who it was with. It's just because of the friction, that's all._

Keith choked out a small moan and tucked his head in between Lance's neck and shoulder. It had been a long time since Keith had been this close, this intimate, this turned on with someone else and he could feel himself slipping fast. Lance was whispering something incoherent in his ear. Their movements sped up and became more frantic as they rutted against each other. Sober Keith would have been mortified that he was basically having clothed sex with Lance (of all people!) in the middle of a dance floor where everyone could see them. Drunk Keith couldn't bring himself to care; it felt too good. Lance was dripping in sweat and Keith could feel himself getting close. He was moments away from release when the song switched to a much slower one.

The sudden change in tempo snapped the boys back into reality and they jumped apart. They just stared at each other.

"So, uh, yeah," stammered Lance. "That's how you dance."

"Uh yeah, thanks," said Keith, running his hand through his messy hair. He willed himself to not look down at what he assumed would be a very visible tent in Lance's flowy shorts. "I think I'm gonna head back to my room early. Long day."

"Righttt," responded Lance. They stood there looking at each other for a few awkward moments, and then Keith turned away.

_Oh my fuck did that just really happen?_

Keith sped through the pink halls of the Evarosian palace and back into his room. He started unwinding the parts of his braid that Lance hadn't already undone with his fingers. He pulled off the strands of crystals that were wrapped around his body and began to slide the silky clothes off.

The friction his shorts created as he tugged his shorts off reminded Keith of his not-so-little problem. Groaning, Keith flopped down on the bed and wrapped his hand around himself. He was already so close from rutting against Lance that it didn't take very long for him to spill all over his hand and stomach. If he thought about Lance as he came, that would be his little secret.

Keith got up and wiped the sticky mess off of himself with a towel from the bathroom. He was embarrassed, the orgasm having sobered him up a little. _I can't believe we did that. Fuck, I've probably fucked everything up between us. We just became sorta friends. I don't wanna lose him already. Lance isn't even gay? I mean, he sure flirts with way to many girls to be gay. Plus, it's not like I'm gay... right? Right._

Keith shifted his growing anxiety to a new topic. _I hope Lance is okay right now. I wonder if he'll have nightmares tonight. Maybe I should go check on him? No that would be weird, considering what just happened. I don't wanna leave him alone though... Well, it's not like I even know where his room is. He'll be fine, it's just one night. He might not even want me there. Just because I cheered him up one time doesn't mean anything is different now._


	6. of hangovers, swimming lessons, and homesickness

Keith woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. _Damn. Hangover_. Embarrassment flushed his face as he remembered the events of last night. _I can't believe I brutally murdered thirty plus Galran soldiers and then grinded on Lance on the same day. This feels like a fucking fever dream._ Keith wanted nothing more than to curl back under the fluffy pink covers and mope for the rest of the day, but unfortunately, a planet's safety and a possible alliance were at stake.

Keith pulled himself out of bed and noticed a new bundle of clothing on his bedside table. _I hope it was Antiyon who delivered those. The King watching me sleep would be really creepy._

The clothes were the same flowy fabric and deep maroon color as the ones he wore yesterday, but today's outfit was a little more conservative. It appeared to be a simple iridescent tunic with a strand of pink crystals for a belt. Keith quickly brushed his teeth, washed his face, and slipped on the clothes. He adjusted them in the mirror and pulled his hair back into a simple ponytail, raven strands of hair falling out to frame his face.

He entered the common room that all the guest rooms shared to find a table full of food and a sleepy team. The only one not there was Lance, but no one was surprised. He was usually the last one awake.

"Hey Keith!" called Shiro. Keith winced at the loud noise and covered his ears. Shiro gave him a dirty look. "Really, you too? I expected Lance and Pidge to sneak alcohol and get drunk, but you know better than that."

"Sorry," mumbled Keith, feeling ashamed. _And third time's the charm. It hasn't even been a full week and I've upset Shiro three times. I'm really a failure._

Shiro looked at him fondly. "It's okay, just come sit down. The Evarosians have a pretty effective hangover potion."

Keith sat and downed the glittery pink liquid that Shiro placed in front of him. _Why is everything on this planet so pink? It hurts my eyes._ The effects of the potion were immediate. He felt his head and sinuses clearing as well as a new feeling of alertness.

"These are great. We should ask the King to allow us to bring some back with us," Keith said.

"Already on it!" smirked Pidge. Shiro sighed.

"Keith, don't encourage her. She's only sixteen, she should not be getting wasted at alien space parties," Shiro said, giving Pidge a look.

"Hey, there's no age limit for alcohol in space!" retorted Pidge.

"Well I'm creating one right now. No drinks for any paladin under the age of twenty-four."

"You're only saying that because you are twenty-four!"

"Yup."

"Dad, you ruin all my fun."

Keith held back a laugh at Pidge's nickname for Shiro. He liked seeing his team bicker like this. It meant that they were relaxed and happier than usual.

"Alright team," Shiro said, between bites of some strange pink fruit. "Pidge and Hunk, you two are going to study the quintessence machine and figure out a way to turn it off without hurting the planet any further. Allura and I are going to work out the terms of a possible alliance with the King. Keith, you and Lance are free to do whatever you'd like. Make yourselves useful if needed." _That's code for 'don't get in our way and mess things up'._ Keith was a little nervous about being stuck alone with Lance all day, especially after the events of last night. "Keith, will you tell Lance when he wakes up?"

Keith was just about to say yes when Lance came stumbling in the room.

"No need Shiro, I heard," said Lance, his voice cracking. Shiro just rolled his eyes.

"Hangover potion by your seat," Shiro said tiredly.

"Oh thank God the Evarosians are saviors," cried Lance as he downed the potion in one go.

The rest of the paladins finished their breakfast shortly after Lance's arrival and left to go complete their various tasks.

"Looks like it's just you and me, mullet!" said Lance.

"Whatever. Hurry up and finish your breakfast, I wanna go explore the planet," replied Keith.

"I think you just want to get away from your new boyfriend, King Urisees," teased Lance. Keith didn't want to examine why the thought of Lance possibly being too drunk to remember what happened between them made him feel sick.

The boys sat in a comfortable silence as Lance finished his breakfast.

"Okie dokie, let's go see what this weird-ass planet has to offer," said Lance, abruptly standing up.

"I still can't get over how pink it is," commented Keith.

"This place is like Princess Bubblegum's castle."

"Whose? What?"

"You're hopeless," scoffed Lance.

The boys wandered through the twisty pink hallways, and after some confusion, they found the exit.

"Woah..." breathed Lance as he opened the door.

Neither boy had gotten a very close look at the landscape of Evarosa before they were taken to the palace (they were more focused on staving off the invading Galran soldiers). Little pink houses dotted the glittery pink sand beaches that covered the planet. Strange, Dr. Seuss-esque trees grew out of the ground. The palace sat right next to a huge body of water; deep magenta waves lapped up against the edge of the building.

Lance let out a whoop that startled Keith. "No one told me they have an ocean here!" yelled Lance excitedly, as he ripped off his flowy shirt, stepped out of his shorts, and ran towards the water.

"Lance wait--" called Keith, but Lance had already dove head-first into the magenta sea. "--we don't know if the water is safe," mumbled Keith, finishing his thought.

"Keith!" laughed Lance, splashing around in the water like a child. "Come on in! The water's great! Man this is the best day ever!"

Keith walked towards the edge of the water and dipped his toes in. _Cold. It does feel kinda nice._

"Come onnn Keith, get in!"

"Lance-"

"Please! It'll be fun. I know you're like the fire paladin and all but still!"

"I don't know how to swim," admitted Keith, his face flushing in embarrassment.

Lance stopped splashing in the water and looked at him in surprise. "Really? Dude, aren't you eighteen? How do you not know how to swim?"  
"I lived in the desert by myself for most of my life, dumbass. I never needed too, or had someone to teach me."  
"I'll teach you then!"

"Lance."

"I'm a great teacher!" said Lance. Keith flushed, remembering last night. _I'm a great teacher, Lance had said, as he pressed his hips against mine._

"Fine," sighed Keith. "As long as you stop yelling."

Keith stuck his toes back into the cold magenta water and slowly waded in.

"Aren't you gonna take your clothes off? You don't wanna get them wet. Plus, they'll pull you down," asked Lance.

"Oh.. right," responded Keith. He nervously shucked off his tunic and threw it on the pink sand, leaving him standing there in just his briefs. Keith didn't usually feel self-conscious in front of others, as there was definitely nothing about his muscular body to be ashamed about, but half-naked while alone with Lance felt different

"Okay, so first things first I'm going to teach you to float. It's the most important thing in not drowning," Lance said. Keith frowned at the idea of drowning. "Don't give me that look," said Lance. "I'm not gonna let you drown, dumbass." Keith shot him another dirty look but waded next to Lance anyways.

"Alright. So what I'm going to teach you is how to float on your back. It's pretty easy, you can't really mess it up. Can I touch you?" said Lance. _Lance asked me that last night._ Keith flushed.

"Yeah, 'course," replied Keith. _Lance is a good guy. Asking for consent before he touches me. Not a lot of people like that out there, guys or girls._

Lance grabbed Keith by the waist and pulled him up so he was laying on his back, floating in the water. His hands were warm against Keith's skin in contrast to the cool water.

"See, just floating on top of the water. I'm gonna let go now and see if you can do it by yourself," said Lance. Keith gave him a nervous look. "I'll catch you if you start to sink. Promise."

Keith nodded and felt Lance's hands leave his side. Anxiety started thrumming though his body but it quickly subsided when he realized he wasn't facing a watery death but was actually floating. He let out a breath.

"Oh. I'm doing it," Keith breathed out, sounding shocked. Lance giggled.

"Of course you are, silly. Ready for the next step?" asked Lance.

"It doesn't really matter what I say, does it?" replied Keith. "You'll just peer pressure me until I do it anyways."

"Well I wouldn't call it peer pressure necessarily... but fair enough," said Lance, as he grabbed Keith's hips and flipped him over so he was floating on his stomach.

"Woah! A little warning next time."

"Yeah, yeah, sure thing. Okay, now I'm going to hold you like this, so you don't drown," said Lance, as he dug his fingertips into Keith's waist. "I want you to paddle with your arms and kick with your legs."

"This is so embarrassing," said Keith with a flat face, but his red cheeks betrayed him.

"The longer you draw this out, the longer you are gonna embarrass yourself."

"Fine," sighed Keith, as he began to paddle his arms in an awkward, choppy motion.

"Good. Extend your arms out further. Yeah that's right! Now try to make the motion a bit more fluid," instructed Lance. "Perfect, you're doing great."

Keith's chest warmed and he felt slightly giddy at the praise he was receiving.

"Can you kick your legs too?"

"I can try."

Keith began to kick his legs as he paddled with his arms. They stayed like that for a little until Lance released his grip around Keith's waist. Keith splashed, panicked without the safety of Lance's embrace. _I wish panic wasn't such a familiar feeling._ Water shot up Keith's nose, making his eyes and throat sting at the salt. He coughed.

"Hey hey, woah," said Lance, quickly bringing his hands around Keith again. "We are gonna try that again, but don't worry. If I see you struggling, I'll be right beside you to catch you, okay?"

"Okay..." said Keith, embarrassed. They returned to their previous position and as Keith started to kick, Lance let go. _Okay, let's not make a fool of ourselves this time._ Lance wouldn't let us drown. Keith sucked in a calming breath, and began to swim.

"Wait, I'm doing it!" exclaimed Keith.

"You are!" shouted Lance, diving towards Keith. He wrapped Keith up in his arms and pulled him up, so their noses were only inches apart. The boys giggled as Lance praised himself for being such a good teacher.

"Thanks to my immaculate teaching skills, I taught even the grumpy fire paladin to swim," taunted Lance. They were so close that Keith could feel Lance's breath on his cheek.

"I'm not grumpy!" retorted Keith. Lance looked at him blankly. "Okay shut up, I know I'm grumpy," laughed Keith, as he splashed Lance in the face with water.

"Childish move," said Lance, grinning.

Suddenly, the atmosphere shifted. _Oh fuck, we are really close. Is this awkward or am I just making it awkward? Lance is really warm too. It reminds me of last night... No, don't think about that. We were drunk. He doesn't even act like he remembers it, he probably was too blacked out. Plus, he'd probably freak out if he knew he did that with me, not only because I'm a boy but because I'm Keith. I can't really imagine anyone wanting to do something like that with me when they were sober. He probably just mistook me for one of those Evaroisans he was dancing with. I've been silent for too long. We are really close. I would only have to move forward a few inches to kiss him..._ Keith shook out of Lance's embrace.

"Now that you taught me to swim, can I go back to the shore?" asked Keith, his mood dampened by his thoughts.

"Uh, yeah, sure," said Lance. He almost looked a little bit hurt.

Keith swam back to shore and flopped down on the warm bubblegum sand. The heat of the sand felt nice against his back, but not nearly as good as the heat of Lance's body. Keith closed his eyes and tried to relax, despite his swimming brain.

After a while, Keith felt a wet body lay down next to him. He opened his eyes and rolled his head over to find Lance staring at him. His eyes were truer to the ocean than Evarosa's magenta waters could ever be.

"I didn't mean to disturb you. You looked so peaceful," said Lance.

"No, it's okay," said Keith. But Lance was right, Keith did feel peaceful. This was one of the rare good days he felt semi-human.

"Evarosa reminds me of Earth," said Lance, as he sat up. He pulled his knees into his chest.

"Really? Last I remembered, Earth didn't hurt my eyes with it's pink-ness."

"It's not that..."

"Then what?" asked Keith. "Tell me about it," he said, softer.

"Even though I went to the Garrison I'm not from Texas. My home is in Cuba. We have a little house on Varadero Beach. It's small, especially for how big my family is, but it's right on the water. We haven't been to many planets with oceans. Since I basically grew up in one, it's nice to see one again and be able to swim in one again. Even if it isn't blue. The sand here too feels like the sand back home," explained Lance. A hint of sadness leaked into his voice.

"You miss home, don't you?"

"Yeah... I really do. I didn't exactly ask for this, you know? The war."

"Mhm."

"You must miss home too?"

"Not really. There's no one there for me. Shiro is my only family."

"Oh..."

"It's not a big deal. It's not like I haven't known any different. Tell me about your family?"

Lance's face lit up at the question. He began talking passionately. "My house is definitely a full one. There's Mama and Papa and me of course, but also my older sisters Veronica and Rachel. Then, there's my older brothers, Marco and Luis. My abuela also lives with us, and so does Marco's wife Lisa and their kids, Nadia and Sylvio. I'm the baby of the family, but that doesn't mean I'm not a great uncle. I spoil them and Lisa gets so mad at me. I remember one time I snuck them out of the house to buy them ice cream from this little shop down the street we always went to. I got the lecture of a lifetime when Lisa found out, but the cotton candy ice cream and being called the best uncle was so worth it. Mama would love you. When you meet her, I just know she'll give you a big hug and immediately try to feed you. Man, I miss her cooking. Hunk is a good cook but nothing compares to homemade cuban food. I would sell my left kidney for a chance to eat her garlic knots again. I bet Veronica would show you embarrassing baby pictures of me, but I guess that's what sisters do. I really miss them a lot. I always feel so guilty when I think about how heartbroken they must be over my disappearance. They always said that they never could understand how people lived before modern medicine, when it was normal to have a few children die. Mama always said she would never be the same if she lost one of her babies. It hurts so much to know that it probably broke Mama's heart..." Lance said, trailing off, his voice full of sadness. He paused for a moment. "Sorry, that's enough about me."

"They sound really great," said Keith.

"They are."

The boys sat in silence on the warm beach after that, enjoying the sand and the sun.


	7. of midnight splashing fights and tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! let me know if there are any spelling/grammar mistakes. I tried to catch them all but I'm not perfect!

Keith and Lance slowly meandered back to the castle hours later. They received the good news that Pidge and Hunk had successfully rid the planet of it's quintessence-sucking parasite. The King had insisted that they stay another night to thank them for saving their planet and honor their new alliance. Still, Keith suspected it was partially a last-ditch effort for the King to flirt with him.

Tired from a day in the sun, Keith pushed around his food with his fork at his dinner and was all too happy to oblige when Shiro suggested everyone go to bed early.

Keith all but stumbled back into his room, and with a quick shower to rinse off the seawater, he promptly fell asleep.

___________________

A timid knock on his door woke Keith up in a panic. _Not again._ Keith felt the all-too-common panic begin to rise again, unhelped by the unfamiliar surroundings. He reached under his pillow for his blade, but it was nowhere to be found. Keith cringed as he remembered where he had left it: all the way across the room, on the bathroom counter to dry after he had vigorously scrubbed blood off of it two days ago. _Okay, Keith, focus. Unfamiliar planet, no weapon, the Galra were literally just here a few days ago, and there's something outside my door._

With shaky hands, Keith half-sprinted to the bathroom as quietly as he could to grab his knife. He then went back to the door and took a few breaths to steady himself. _Okay, one, two, three, open._ Keith flung open the door, his knife pointed and ready to attack.

"Woah!" shouted Lance, throwing his hands up in surrender. "Keith, put your weapon down. It's just me."

Keith grew hot with embarrassment and sat his blade down on the nightstand. He felt a little silly. _Of course, it's just a teammate. It would be stupid for the Galra to come back here. They are a lot of things, but they aren't dumb._ Keith supposed it's easier to be rational and logical after the panic has ceased.

"Sorry, Lance," Keith said.

"It's okay," Lance replied quietly. His eyes were red and puffy again.

They stood there staring awkwardly at each other, waiting for the other to say something.

"So-" started Lance, at the exact same time as Keith.

"Sorry," said Keith. _This is painfully awkward._ "What were you saying?"

"I was just..." Lance said, looking down at his feet and wringing his fingers together. "Well, I was just wondering if I could... I had another..."

"Nightmare?" asked Keith, saving Lance from further embarrassment.

"Yeah, that," admitted Lance. "Can I... come in?"

Keith nodded and motioned for Lance to sit down on the bed. Keith ran his hands through his hair, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"So... do you wanna talk about it or?" he asked, unsure of what else to say.

"No."

"Oh. Okay," Keith said. He paused a moment, a thought popping into his head. "How did you know which room was mine, anyways?"

Even in the dark, Keith could still see the blush that rose on Lance's cheeks as he turned his head away.

"I knocked on all the doors 'till I found yours. I don't even really know why I'm here, it's stupid. I just didn't wanna be alone," admitted Lance, not meeting Keith's eye.

Keith felt the all-too-familiar warmth grow in his stomach _. Me? Lance came to me? Not Hunk, not Pidge, not even Shiro? Me? Maybe I'm not such a failure after all. If I can't save the universe, perhaps I can at least help Lance._ Keith smiled softly to himself.

"Wanna go for a walk on the beach?" asked Keith, remembering Lance's excitement at the magenta ocean yesterday, hoping it might console him a bit.

Lance smiled.

"Yeah. Let's go."

The boys silently maneuvered through the bubblegum halls and out into the night. The moonlight made the pink sand appear as if it were glowing. It was beautiful, truly, and Keith would have stopped for a moment to appreciate the sight if his attention hadn't been so occupied with the teary-eyed boy next to him.

Lance slipped off his shoes and dipped his toes in the waves lapping at the shore, Keith following suit. The icy water sent a pleasant shiver down his spine. _I never thought I would end up here, like this. If three years ago, someone had told me I would end up on the beach of a disturbingly pink alien planet in the middle of the night with a dumb, handsome Cuban boy, I would have called the nearest psychiatric ward._ Keith let out a small laugh at the ridiculousness of all of it.

Lance looked at him questioningly.

"You know what?" said Keith, pulling his shirt off over his head and laughing. "Fuck it. Fuck this, fuck everything." Without warning, he kicked a massive wave of pink water at Lance, soaking his shirt.

Lance looked confused for a moment, and Keith suddenly worried that perhaps he had gone too far. But then, Lance shook his head like a wet dog and let out a laugh as well.

"I'll get you back for that, bastard!" Lance squealed. With a mischievous glint in his eye, he charged at Keith and tackled him into the water.

Keith let out a grunt as his back hit the freezing water and sunk into the sand.

"Hey!" Keith sputtered, spitting salty water out of his mouth. "You little-" he started, but cut himself off by pulling Lance down into the water as well.

What ensued was probably the greatest splashing and underwater wrestling match in all of existence. They played dirty. Keith held Lance in a headlock underwater, and Lance threw pink sand in Keith's eyes. They tumbled, they rolled, they splashed and kicked and laughed. They fell into a sort of mania, one that could have only been brought on by such desperation to experience once again just a few minutes of childish amusement that had been untimely ripped from them at the beginning of the war. They were child soldiers. Their innocence and naivety had been crushed to smithereens. They were forced to grow up early, to learn to fight, to murder. At the ripe age of sixteen, Lance and Keith were left to carry the burden of the entire universe's safety on their adolescent backs.

And so they let themselves indulge in this infantile splashing match. They deserved a few minutes to just be normal eighteen-year-old boys.

Neither boy particularly wanted the night to end, to abandon their moment of youthful reverie. Lance feared that returning to bed would bring about another slew of terrifying nightmares, and this was one of the first times Keith felt he might have a friend.

So, they made excuses. Dragged the night on. Laid side-by-side on the glowing pink sand and gazed at the expansive universe above them. Talked about anything and everything, hoping to stall the inevitable for just a bit longer.

But, time is a cruel creature, and it does not care to slow down for two war-torn children. Keith and Lance stayed on the beach until the sun began to rub its sleepy eyes and peek over the edge of the horizon.

"We should probably go inside," said Lance, gesturing at the beginnings of the sunrise evident in the sky. The disappointment was clear in his voice.

"Yeah," said Keith, sighing. He looked at Lance's sopping pajamas and sand-covered hair. The sight of the dripping boy in front of him caused a little knot to form in Keith's stomach. "Besides, we are a mess. Definitely going to need a shower."

"Maybe I'll shower with Allura. That would be a nice start to the day," he said mischievously, waggling his eyebrows at Keith. The pit in Keith's stomach became uglier, but he pushed the feeling away.

"As if," Keith said, scoffing. "You admitted yourself that she is way out of your league."

"Hey!" responded Lance dramatically. He pouted, giving Keith his signature puppy-dog eyes. "You wound me."

Keith rolled his eyes and laughed.

And so, the reveries of the night had ceased at last, and the boys walked towards the palace to return to their undesirable reality.

___________________

After the strange adventures on Evarosa, Keith was happy to be in his own bed (and be in the presence of colors other than pink). He had a much stronger sense of safety in the castle than on an alien planet that was just attacked by Galra. Not to say that Keith ever truly felt safe, but laying swaddled his own soft blankets and pillows was comforting.

Despite this, Keith found himself unable to fall asleep, plagued by visions and memories of squelching organs, pools of blood, and brain splattered walls. He lay awake, staring at the cold, unloving metal ceiling above him, begging sleep to release him. It never came.

"Keith?" called a soft, shaky voice from outside his door. Keith shot up, pulling his sheets around himself. "It's me, Lance. Can I come in?"

Keith sighed in relief, releasing his grip on the sheets.

"Yeah," Keith called out in response, his voice raspy.

The door slowly creaked open, and Keith saw Lance's silhouette slip inside the dark room. Keith thought he was looking somewhat thin lately, and he pushed down a pang of worry.

Suddenly, Keith was wrapped in a tight embrace by a sweaty body. Keith's eyes shot wide open, and he sucked in a breath in shock.

With no delicate way to put it, Keith was touch-starved, as many orphans were. The abandonment of his mother shortly after his birth meant that Keith never really developed any sort of secure attachment. And then his father died, and Keith was truly alone. There was no one there to touch him. No one to cuddle him or pat his back or ruffle his hair. It wasn't that Keith didn't want touch. He just never had anyone to give it to him.

In truth, Keith couldn't remember the last time he had touched someone so intimately. Since joining the team, he had gotten used to small gestures like high fives, fist bumps, and head pats, but those touches were a far cry from the tight hug he was wrapped in. Lance had basically wormed his way into Keith's lap, his face tucked into the crook of Keith's neck and his arms wrapped securely around his back. Keith's skin felt like fire, and he blushed as he realized that both of them were shirtless.

"Uh, Lance?" said Keith, his voice shaky. Lance just buried his face deeper into Keith's shoulder.

Keith let out a shuddering sigh and cautiously returned the hug, wrapping his arms around Lance's sweaty back. Keith wasn't sure why he did it. It just felt like the right thing.

As soon as Keith reciprocated the touch, Lance started to cry. _Oh shit. I fucked up, didn't I? Oh god, this is why Lance is the person people come to for comfort. I don't know how to do the emotional stuff._

Keith quickly released his grip on Lance, assuming that's what made him cry.

"No, Keith, no," Lance pleaded from his shoulder. "More, touch me more."

Keith did not want to think about why that sent heat straight to his groin. So, he pushed it away and hesitantly wrapped his arms back around Lance.

The two stayed like that for a while, as Lance slowly calmed down. After a few minutes, Keith worked up the courage to work his thumb back and forth across Lance's back. Lance all but moaned and leaned back into the touch. Yeah, Keith was totally out of his element. _I don't know what I'm doing, oh God, please help me._ He was basically running on instinct. A few more minutes passed, and Keith got a bit bolder, running his right hand up and down the entirety of Lance's back and curling his left tightly in his hair. Lance seemed to enjoy that immensely.

After Lance's crying ceased, he raised his head and wiped his face furiously. He hid his face in his hands, clearly embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Lance started to babble. "I know you don't like touch and I'm sorry I just, I just needed-"

Keith cut him off.

"Shh, Lance, it's okay," he reassured him quickly. "We're friends, remember?" The word felt foreign on Keith's tongue, but warmth bloomed in his chest after he said it.

Lance nodded.

"I'm sorry," Lance said bitterly, "I got your shoulder all wet. I know you say it's okay, but I'm still sorry."

Keith carefully pried the hands covering Lance's face away. His eyes were red and swollen, which somehow made his eyes appear even bluer.

"And I still say it's okay," Keith said, not taking his eyes off of Lance.

Lance paused for a moment and then laid his head back onto Keith's shoulder.

"I had a nightmare," he admitted quietly.

"I'm sorry," Keith said, not quite knowing what else to do.

"S'okay. They are getting worse."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Do you like... wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe."

"I'm listening."

"Usually I dream about my family dying, and I can't save them. It's always the same thing. It starts with a Galra soldier pointing his gun at someone I love. Sometimes it's Mama, sometimes it's Veronica. It's been everyone in my family at least once. They beg and cry and scream for me to save them as the Galra slowly inches his finger towards the trigger. I can still hear them screaming when I wake up. I'm far away, down a long hallway. And I don't have a weapon. So I run, I run as fast as I can, so I can try to knock the weapon out of the soldier's hand. But I'm always running in slow motion. I can never go faster, and I never get there in time. And the soldier always shoots them, and I'm helpless. I have to watch them die," Lance described, his voice cracking.

"Oh," said Keith, his voice full of sadness. He knew he couldn't really understand because he didn't have a family like that, but it sounded horrible to him anyway. He tried to imagine not being able to save Shiro, and he felt a knot form in his throat.

"This time was different though," Lance continued, his words still slightly muffled by Keith's shoulder. "This time it was you I couldn't save."

Keith sucked in a short breath.

"And I," Lance continued, his voice speeding up and getting higher, "I just needed to make sure you were okay. I just needed to feel you and hear your heartbeat and feel you breathing. I needed to make sure it wasn't real."

A weight settled over the room. Keith was acting purely on instinct at this point. He slowly laid down on the bed and pulled Lance down with him. Then, he adjusted a surprisingly pliant Lance so that he was laying with his ear pressed right against Keith's heart.

In this position, Lance could hear Keith's heartbeat loud and clear. Keith just hoped he wouldn't notice it speeding up at the rather intimate position.

"I'm alive. You hear it? My heart's still beating. I'm okay," Keith said, lazily rubbing his thumb up and down Lance's forearm.

"Thank you," Lance said, barely above a whisper. Keith didn't respond; he didn't feel the need to.

And so they laid there together, Lance intently listening to Keith's heart steadily beat. They may be broken. They may be defeated and plagued by mental illness. They may have gallons upon gallons of blood on their hands. But, they weren't alone, and their hearts were certainly still beating. So, they clung to each other as though they were the only two living things in a sea of chaos.

Keith wasn't sure how long they laid there. Perhaps it had been hours, perhaps mere minutes. But it was one of the first times that Keith found his mind to be silent. No swirling anxieties, no rotting corpses, just the steady breathing of a Cuban boy curled on his chest.

"Keith?" asked Lance, breaking the silence.

"Mhm?" responded Keith, half asleep and feeling fairly peaceful.

"Can I stay here? Just for tonight? I wanna be here just in case the Galra come back for you."

Keith might've said no, corrected Lance that it was just a nightmare and there was no real threat tonight, but the swelling warmth in his heart stopped him. He looked down at the boy on his chest and felt nothing but fondness. _He wants to be here to protect me. How can I say no?_

"Okay," Keith answered.

As soon as given permission, Lance closed his eyes and promptly fell asleep, still curled into Keith's shirtless body.

Sleep found Keith not long after, his mind at peace for once.


	8. of cuddles and no homo

Keith awoke with a yawn. He rubbed his eyes and slowly opened his eyes. Keith’s heart leapt as he noticed a mop of brown wavy hair on his chest. _ Oh god _ . The events of last night came flooding back to him, remembering their intimate embrace. His face filled with heat at the memory. 

Curious, Keith carefully studied Lance’s sleeping face. He looked so peaceful, which was an exceedingly rare sight for soldiers like them. His face was wholly lax and showed no sign of tension. Lance’s extensive skincare routine clearly paid off. His cheeks were smooth, and his forehead was void of any bumps or blemishes. It made Keith feel a bit insecure about the stubborn blackheads on his nose and the small pimples that popped up on his forehead when he was stressed. He resisted the urge to stroke Lance’s cheek to figure out just how soft his skin was. Keith had never noticed how long and dark Lance’s eyelashes were before; they looked like the ones the girls at the Garrison had. His eyebrows had clearly been groomed, and his lips were soft and plump.  _ He’s pretty. I don’t know if boys can be pretty, but Lance is damn close.  _ That thought caused a strange feeling to grow in his stomach. He pushed it away.

Keith carefully stretched his arm, attempting to grab his tablet without waking the sleeping boy on his chest. 

Unfortunately, he was unsuccessful. The movements under him caused Lance to stir. He yawned, lifted his head, and then peered up at Keith with wide blue eyes. 

“Sorry, Lance, didn’t mean to wake you,” said Keith softly. “You get some sleep?”

“Yeah,” responded Lance, his voice raspy and low with sleep. He laid his head back down on Keith’s chest. “What time is it?”

Keith checked his tablet. 

“Oh shit, it’s one,” said Keith. He hadn’t slept in that late in a long time. 

“One in the afternoon?” exclaimed Lance. 

“Yup.” 

“Shit man.”

“It’s alright, I think we both needed to catch up on sleep.”

“Mhm,” responded Lance, yawning loudly. He rolled off Keith and pushed himself into a seated position, groaning dramatically the whole time.

“Not a morning person?” questioned Keith, a smirk playing on his lips.

“No,” responded Lance with a pout, burying his face in his hands.

“It’s technically not even morning anymore.”

“I don’t care, it feels like it.”

Keith sat up as well, his chest feeling cold in the absence of Lance’s body heat. 

“Breakfast?” Keith asked.

“Only if you’re cooking.”

Keith rolled his eyes fondly and pulled Lance to the kitchen.

___________________

The next night, when he woke to a familiar cry from down the hall, Keith didn’t hesitate. He pushed the door to Lance’s bedroom open and went straight for the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around the other boy. 

“ _ Keith _ ,” sighed Lance, immediately melting in the embrace. 

“I’m here,” murmured Keith into Lance’s hair. It smelled like coconuts. He wasted no time rubbing his hands up and down Lance’s bare back, knowing that it was okay from last night. He rubbed his hands across the top of Lance’s shoulders and down the lean muscle of his back, stopping just above the hem of his navy briefs. He curled his fingers into Lance’s hair and massaged his temple. He let Lance cling to him tightly and whispered whatever words of encouragement he could think of into Lance’s ear. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why this keeps happening,” Lance choked out bitterly. “You must think I’m so weak.”

Keith’s heart ached for him.

“Lance, no. I don’t think you are weak,” he responded, cupping Lance’s face and pulling it up, so he had no choice but to meet Keith’s eyes. “Even strong people get nightmares. You are such a good soldier, and a freaking amazing shot. You keep it together better than the rest of us. You are the strongest person I know.”

Lance sucked in a breath, and Keith could see the blush rising on his cheeks.

“Stronger than Shiro?” he asked meekly, fat tears still dripping down his face. Keith paused a moment, thinking about his answer.

“Shiro is a mess Lance. He might be physically stronger than you, but that’s all,” he responded. Keith didn’t think that his answer was entirely comforting, but it was the truth. Shiro was a mess, his PTSD worse than ever. It hurt to think about, hurt to see their leader fall apart in front of them. 

Lance seemed to hold the same sentiments. He gave a sad nod in agreement. 

“I wish I could do more to help him,” Lance said.

“You do more than enough. You make him laugh. You give him hugs and you make him smile even on his worst days. That is more than I could ever do,” Keith said earnestly. He paused and then continued. “But right now isn’t about Shiro. It’s about you.”

Lance sighed and nuzzled his nose deeper into Keith’s neck. The strange feeling in his stomach returned at the gesture. 

“Could you maybe… stay here tonight?” asked Lance, his voice muffled and hot against Keith’s neck. Keith shivered at the sensation. “It helped not being alone.”

“Okay,” Keith said softly, and perhaps a little too eagerly. Keith berated himself, confused about all of these feelings. “I’ll go get a sleeping bag from storage. Be right back.”

“Wait” said Lance, his voice much louder. He grabbed Keith’s arm tightly to stop him from pulling away. Keith looked at him confused, and Lance flushed, clearly embarrassed with his outburst. 

“Yeah?” asked Keith, his eyebrow raised in question.

“Well, um…” Lance started, much softer this time. “You don’t have to. I mean, we slept in the same bed last time. If we say ‘no homo’ it’s okay, right?”

Keith tried to give him a deadpan look but couldn’t contain his laughter.

“No homo? Really? You’re fucking ridiculous.” choked out Keith in between giggles. 

Lance glared at him, but Keith’s laughter was just as contagious as it was rare. His teary face broke out in a smile, and he began giggling too. 

It wasn’t even that funny to begin with, but it was the middle of the night, and both boys were edging into the dangerous territory of slap-happy. They laughed until their abs hurt, not over anything in particular, but merely because they were exhausted and missed the feeling of laughing unabatedly. 

They slowly came off their high and tucked into Lance’s bed, an arm tentatively curled around Keith’s back. 

Lance quickly closed his eyes and found himself blessed with only pleasant dreams the rest of the night. Keith fell asleep soon after, the warmth of Lance’s arm protecting him from any anxious or distressful thoughts. Together, they found peace. 

___________________

The next day was just as busy as it was devastating. Filled with three lost battles, the entire team slumped into foul moods. Noticing this, Allura declared a mandatory rest day in hopes of lifting the spirits of her broken team. Keith thought that was stupid. If they were losing so bad, shouldn’t they be working harder? He was about to argue with her when he paused, seeing the stony faces of his friends. He took a deep breath to calm himself.  _ They’re so broken. We are so broken. She’s right. Maybe it would do the others well to take a break emotionally and physically.  _

He didn’t argue with Allura, but that didn’t mean Keith would respect her ban on exercise. He headed towards the training deck right after the meeting, but something stopped him. Perhaps it was guilt. He didn’t want to directly disobey Allura’s orders to take a day off. He’d messed up enough already.

So, he sulked back to his room and tried to relax, knowing it would probably be a total disaster. He plopped down on his bed and attempted to coax his muscles into unclenching. He closed his eyes for good measure, feeling almost silly. 

But, about thirty seconds into “relaxing”, his foot started shaking. Well, it wasn’t really shaking, it was… vibrating? Keith tried to make it stay still, but he couldn’t.  _ That’s odd _ .  _ Whatever, the rest of me can relax even if my foot won’t.  _ Another thirty seconds in, and the quietness of the room was starting to bother him. 

Keith never really had to deal with his own thoughts. Actually, Keith flat-out refused to deal with his own thoughts, which was relatively easy to do because of the demanding nature of war. However, during those rare moments of free time, Keith would throw himself into training in an attempt to avoid the voices swirling in his head. Of course, the anxiety he felt showed that thoughts clearly still passed through his guard. But that only happened maybe only three times a day. Keith could handle feeling upset three times a day. Literally, anything was better than a release of the deluge of madness, held back only by fragile levees built around his brain. 

But now that he was all alone in his room with nothing to do (besides bounce his foot), the deluge finally broke through those painstakingly constructed levees. 

Keith didn’t realize it was happening at first. His eyes grew watery, and tears began to drip lazily down his face. It confused him. He wasn’t sad? Well, he certainly didn’t think he was sad. But the tears continued to fall nonetheless. Next came an incessant pounding to the back of his head. It was like a headache, but somehow worse. He felt like someone was poking his eyes out from inside his skull. This confused him even further.

But then he felt it. A barrage of emotion hit Keith so hard that it knocked the wind out of him. It wasn’t just one emotion or one incident. It was every single emotion he had repressed and pushed away since he hit the age of twelve. Meaning that Keith was now experiencing years of fear, sadness, guilt, anger, love, betrayal, and loneliness. 

Keith couldn’t even think. He wasn’t even sure if he was conscious. His heart was pounding so fast he was absolutely certain he was having a heart attack then and there. He was so dizzy he wasn’t even sure which way was up or down. Keith was no stranger to panic attacks, but this held power and force like no other.

And then? The strangest thing happened. Keith was no longer in his body at all. In fact, he was watching himself from across the room. He could see his own flushed cheeks and pained expression. He could see the sweat dripping down his back and staining the sheets. He could see the fat tears dribbling down his face, his neck, and dampening the collar of his shirt. He could see his chest heave for air, for relief, for anything, for peace. 

He watched his body stagger to its feet and stumble out of the room. Keith followed it to the training deck. 

“Initiate level one,” he heard himself say. It was quite an odd sensation. Keith watched his body complete level one of training, and then the next ten. On level five, a bot had nailed his body’s abdomen pretty good, but Keith didn’t feel it. He felt no physical sensation. It seemed that time had ceased to exist at all. Keith couldn’t feel. He was completely numb, both physically and emotionally, a mere spectator of his own life. He hated pain, but pain was better than whatever this cruel numbness was.

“Really, Keith? Allura specifically told us not to train today. Honestly. Actually, no, I expected nothing less from our resident bad boy,” said a voice to his left. Keith turned and looked.  _ Lance, oh thank God, please help me. I think I’m dying. Lance, please. Lance, Lance, Lance. _

His body didn’t answer Lance. It just kept training. Keith wanted to tell him what was happening, wanted to scream and cry and beg Lance to help him become tethered to the world again, but his body said nothing. It was as though he was stuck on autopilot. 

“Uh Keith? Buddy?” Lance said with a hint of concern in his voice.

Keith begged himself to answer. But he was no longer in control of his body. It just kept fighting off the training robots, as though it was completely unaware of Lance’s presence whatsoever. 

“Keith?” said Lance, with even more concern lacing his voice. He turned towards the simulator. “End training sequence”.

The simulator whirred to a halt. The bots disappeared. Keith watched his body stop fighting and just stand there. 

Lance walked up to his body and put a hand on its shoulder.

The physical touch shot Keith back into reality, and he was finally in his body again. He blinked a few times and looked around. He still felt odd, as though he was looking at the world through smudged glass, but at least he was seeing out of his own eyes again. 

“Lance! Help me,” Keith choked out as he regained feeling in his body. His knees buckled from underneath him. Lance caught him and wrapped him up in his arms, slowly lowering them both to the floor. 

“Lance please.” Keith begged, fresh tears falling freely. He savored the feeling of just being able to cry again. He wormed himself deeper into Lance’s grasp and sobbed into his shoulder, inhibitions be damned. On any other day, Keith would be hot with embarrassment at his vulnerability. But Keith wasn’t thinking rationally. He just needed. Needed something solid. Needed comfort. Needed  _ Lance _ .

“Oh, uh okay.” murmured Lance, sounding confused. Lance had never once seen Keith so defenseless, so broken. He wasn’t sure what to do; it felt like a prank. He knew it wasn’t. Keith’s emotions were too raw to be faked. 

He feared that any sudden movement would snap Keith back to normal, and he would be punched for invading his personal space. It wasn’t like Lance and Keith hadn’t been this intimately close before, considering the events of the past few nights, but this was different. Before, Keith had always initiated the touch, always given his silent consent. There was that one time on Evarosa where they danced, but Lance was drunk off his ass and didn’t even know if Keith remembered it. This was different, and Lance was at a loss. It wasn’t like Lance hadn’t comforted people before. In fact, Lance prided himself on his ability to help his teammates calm down and feel safe. But this was Keith. And Keith was different.

In a moment of clarity, Lance decided to try to copy what Keith had done to calm him down the last few nights. He cautiously began to rub a hand up and down Keith’s back, giving him a weird sense of inverted deja vu. Keith arched back into the touch and choked out another sob. Lance jerked his hand away in shock. 

“No, no, no, more Lance please” Keith said, followed by another slew of incoherent words. Lance ignored how those moaned words went straight to his dick, half-hard in his shorts. Lance berated his body for getting aroused when Keith was like this. So, he turned all of his attention towards helping Keith, returning his hand to Keith’s back and rubbing his thumb into it with more intent. Keith practically melted into the touch. 

Lance decided that since Keith was currently a babbling mess, asking him what was wrong wouldn’t get them anywhere. He focused on calming Keith down to the point where they could talk. He rubbed his thumb into Keith’s back with one hand and smoothed his sweaty hair with the other. He wrapped his legs around Keith’s body and whispered words of comfort. 

“It’s okay Keith. I’m here. You’re safe. I’ve got you. Everything’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

Eventually, Keith’s breathing started to slow down. Lance could feel him begin to relax in his hold. 

“Hey Keith,” said Lance softly.

“Hey,” Keith said back, not quite meeting Lance’s eyes. Lance could see embarrassment hot across his face. 

“Let’s get you back to your room okay? It’ll be more comfortable to talk there.”

“Mhm.”

Lance took that as permission to slowly pick Keith up. “Wrap your arms around my neck, okay?” 

“M’kay” Keith responded as he obeyed, clinging to Lance like a koala bear.

To say that Lance was concerned would be a vast understatement. He had never seen the usually stubborn and angry boy so pliant before. He wasn’t sure what to think, and his heart began to beat faster as anxieties flooded his brain. 

Lance picked the boy up and carried him carefully to his room. He slowly let Keith down on the bed. 

“I’ll be right back, okay? I’m just gonna get you some water.”

Lance jogged to the kitchen, not wanting to leave Keith for long, and filled up a glass of water. Pidge tried to stop him to chat, but he just shoved past her. Guilt rose in his stomach, but he pushed it away. Keith was more important to him right now. 

“Can you sit up a little? You need to drink this. We don’t want you getting dehydrated.” said Lance softly, not wanting to startle Keith. He helped Keith sit up and guided the glass to his mouth.

Keith had barely taken a sip when he started sobbing again.

“I’m so  _ pathetic _ .” he whimpered. “How am I supposed to save the goddamn universe when I can’t even drink a glass of water by my fucking self!”

“Keith, you aren’t pathetic, I promise. You’re the strongest person I know. Voltron would fall apart without you.”

“I’m  _ nothing _ .” Keith spat out. “I’m a  _ failure _ . Everything I do I fuck up. I’m supposed to be protecting you guys! How am I supposed to do that when I can’t even sleep, I can’t even think! I hear a noise down the hall and I can’t breathe for the next three hours! I’m fucking pathetic. And you’re all gonna die because of it. The Galra are gonna win because of it.”

Lance pulled the shaking boy in his arms and whispered words of comfort in his ear. Eventually, Keith calmed down enough to where only a few tears were slipping down his face. A wave of fatigue hit him. The emotional and physical exhaustion of the day came to him in full force. Keith fell helplessly against Lance’s chest and buried his face in the crook of his neck, a reverse of their usual embrace.

“I’m scared.” Keith confessed quietly.

“Me too,” admitted Lance.

“I… something weird happened earlier. I wasn’t… It was like I wasn’t in my body anymore. It still feels weird. Like there’s cotton wrapped around my head. Like I’m in here, but the rest of the world is out there.”

“Mhm. It’s called dissociation, or depersonalization. Happened to my sister Rachel after… well, after some bad stuff happened to her. It’s a coping mechanism, a way of distancing yourself from trauma.” 

“So I’m not going crazy?” Keith whispered, his words dripping with pain.

“No Keith. Not today at least.” 

The two boys sat there for the longest time, just clinging to each other. Their unspoken fears flowed between them. They had been taken from their homes, which were now millions upon millions of miles away. They had been forced to become hardened soldiers within days. They were expected to immediately be the best fighters in the universe, with no training. The immense pressure of saving all of existence was laid on their tiny backs. They were forced to kill, to take the lives of others, to spill blood upon the ground and brains across walls. They were just kids, for fucks sake. And they were fucking terrified. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please note that these descriptions of mental illness are a reflection of my own experiences, and that not everyone experiences depersonalization or anxiety in the same way:)

**Author's Note:**

> comments and criticisms are appreciated! please let me know if there are any errors, i'm not perfect!
> 
> also, yes it is 2020 and i still obsess over klance, they are my comfort ship, fight me.


End file.
